Lucinda's Adoption Journey

Still blogging

2008-09-28T11:24:00.001-07:00

If you click on a few links, you'll find my blogs

Go Boilers!

2007-11-12T18:59:00.000-07:00

When the time arrives, I'd love to have some cute Purdue clothes for my Baby Blossom.

Until then..... here I am enjoying a visit to the Purdue Alumni Center. I was on campus to go to my first Purdue football game in YEARS!

When I lived on campus during business school, I could see the stadium scoreboard from my front window. The stadium has now been expanded so that's not possible now (I checked).

It was cold so I'm wearing four layers of clothing.

Finally! Good news!

2007-11-07T21:30:00.001-07:00

Joint Council released this information about adoptions from Guatemala. It may seem like 4 months isn't a big extension, but it means a world of difference for me to get my paperwork ready.

Here's the link: http://www.jcics.org/Guatemala.htm

I'm finally feeling hopeful after all these months of angst & anxiety & upsetness (okay, that may not be a word, but it's how I felt).

If you pray, please continue to pray that I'll be wise in this decision. I still need to work with a reputable agency, and I want to trust the agency to do everything correctly.

Washington Post Article on Guatemala Adoption

2007-11-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

The Washington Post published this article. Here's the link

Slamming the Door on Adoption
Depriving Children Abroad of Loving Homes

By Elizabeth Bartholet
Sunday, November 4, 2007; Page B07

Last month, Guatemala was effectively shut down as a country from which children can be adopted into the United States. While the shutdown is officially temporary, it is likely that even when new laws are in place, Guatemala will follow the path taken by many South American countries in recent years: eliminating the private agencies and intermediaries that facilitate the placement of children who need homes and substituting government monopoly over adoption, which will reduce to a trickle the number of children escaping life in institutions or on the streets.

In recent years, Guatemala has been a model for those who believe in adoption as a vehicle for providing homeless children with permanent, nurturing parents. It has released significant numbers of children to international adoption, many at young ages, before they suffered the kind of damage that results in attachment disorders and other life-altering limitations. Ironically, these policies are why Guatemala attracted the attention of UNICEF and other human rights organizations that, along with our State Department, have been pushing for adoption "reform." These official "friends of children" have created pressure that has led to the cessation of international adoption in half the countries that in recent decades had been sending the largest number of homeless children abroad. Until recent years, the number of international adoptions into the United States had been steadily increasing, but the numbers are dramatically down.

Why close down international adoption? The real-world alternatives for the children at issue are life -- or death -- on the streets or in the types of institutions that a half-century of research has proved systematically destroy children's ability to grow up capable of functioning normally in society. By contrast, we know that adoption works incredibly well to provide children with nurturing homes and that it works best for those placed early in life.

Critics of international adoption argue that children have heritage rights and "belong" in their countries of birth. But children enjoy little in the way of heritage or other rights in institutions. The critics argue that we should develop foster-care alternatives for children in the countries they are from, and UNICEF's official position favors in-country foster care over out-of-country adoption. But foster care does not exist as a real option in most countries that allow children to be adopted abroad, and the generally dire economic circumstances in these nations make it extremely unlikely that comprehensive foster care programs will soon be developed. Nor is there any reason to think that children would do as well in foster care as in adoptive homes. Indeed, for decades the research in countries that use foster care, such as the United States, has shown that such care does not work nearly as well for children as adoption does.

Critics also condemn adoption abuses such as baby-buying. But there is no hard evidence that payments are systematically used in any country to induce birth parents to surrender their children. In any event, the right response to such abuses is stepped-up enforcement of the overlapping laws prohibiting such payments, which would rightly result in the lawbreakers being penalized. Closing down international adoption, however, wrongly penalizes all those homeless children who could otherwise find nurturing adoptive homes, condemning them to institutions or to the streets.

Policies restricting international adoption replicate the same-race matching policies that used to exist in the United States. In the mid-1990s, Congress passed the Multiethnic Placement Act, rejecting the notion that children should be seen as belonging only within the racial group into which they were born. Our lawmakers recognized the harm children suffered by virtue of being held in foster care rather than being adopted transracially.

Congress, the State Department and the human rights organizations that purport to care for children should similarly reject the notion that children in other countries must at all costs be kept in their communities of birth. Children's most fundamental human rights include the right to be nurtured in their formative years by permanent parents in real families.

Elizabeth Bartholetis a law professor and faculty director of the Child Advocacy Program atHarvard Law School. She is the author of the books "Family Bonds" and "Nobody's Children."

Heavy heart, clear conscience

2007-09-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

I am taking this blog private on Monday, October 1. Unfortunately, I have someone who posts angry or insulting comments, and I am tired of deleting them.

My only recourse is to take this blog private. This blog has not been part of my public profile for awhile now, but the person who posts obviously has the blog bookmarked.

If you would like to know how I'm doing, you can post a comment with your email address or email me directly. I'll send you an update when I start my new adoption blog.

Many thanks for reading and caring about what I'm doing!

Guatemala 5000

2007-09-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

If you would like to make a difference for thousands of families, please visit the Joint Council on International Children's Services website to learn of what they are doing to help families adopting from Guatemala

http://www.jcics.org/Guatemala5000.htm

You can also write the Guatemalan ambassador to ask for cases that are in process to be finalized. His contact information is

US Ambassador James Derham
3190 Guatemala Place
Washington DC 20521-3190

Online petition to bring the children home

2007-09-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

Click here to sign an online petition addressed to the President, Congress, and Department of State

As of today, there are 1304 signatures.

Clarifying my viewpoint on Hague process

2007-09-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

I support the Hague principles and ideas. It is better to have standard processes in place when dealing with inter-country adoption. It is good to know that the children are truly available for adoption.

What I do not accept about the current situation is that our Department of State seems to be saying that current cases in process may not be finalized. Earlier our government has said that cases in process will be completed. Now they are saying they won't be.

That's why I'm asking you to contact our representatives. It is unfathomable to me that our government is using children as pawns in a political game of "if you do this, I'm doing that" within the international community.

No more anonymous comments

2007-09-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

This morning I received a comment from someone who does not understand the current adoption climate or why I asked others to help.

Because I have had numerous situations like this, I'm now instituting a policy of no more anonymous comments on my blog. Feel free to make up a name and continue to comment. Just know that I will reject all anonymous comments from now on.

How You Can Help Others

2007-09-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

My original agency stopped me from starting my paperwork to adopt from Guatemala or I would be in the same position as thousands of families who are waiting for their children's adoptions to be finalized.

If you have ever adopted, you know what it's like to wait for paperwork & bureaucracy.

Even if you haven't adopted, I'm sure there have been moments where you longed for something or someone. In the midst of all the obstacles, hurdles, negative opinions, you still longed for what your heart wanted most.

You can help all the families who are currently in process by contacting your congressional representatives - House & Senate. You can contact the Department of State and ask them what the #@%* they are doing to our citizens. You can find your representatives by clicking on this link and entering your zipcode in the upper right hand corner where it says Find Your Officials.

It's easy to send email or a printed letter right from this website. I just sent a short email to all my officials, and I will also follow-up with phone calls to my senators.

If you want a clear list of things to do, you can visit Cheri's blog. She lists the contact information for the Department of State and the White House.

Please take 10 minutes to tell your representatives that they have work to do to take care of our citizens. This situation shouldn't be about politics. It should be about caring for children who need homes and the people willing to give them homes.

Latest DOS statement and ADA response

2007-09-25T15:53:00.001-07:00

State Department just released this statement:

WARNING: The U.S. Department of State urges American citizens not to commence an adoption process from Guatemala at this time. Fundamental changes in Guatemalan and U.S. adoption law will take effect over the next six months. These changes are likely to inject considerable uncertainty into the adoption process

Guatemala has stated that it will become a Hague Convention country on January 1, 2008. Guatemalan officials have informed us that Guatemala plans to require cases pending or filed after December 31, 2007 to meet Hague standards, even if the adoption procedures commenced before that date. They have also informed us they will not process adoptions for non-Hague member countries after December 31. We understand this to mean that Guatemala will stop processing adoptions to the United States beginning January 1, 2008, until U.S. accession to the Hague Convention takes effect. Given the average time frame for completing an adoption in Guatemala, cases started now cannot be completed before January 1, 2008.

When the Convention is in force for the United States, projected to occur in the spring of 2008, there may be a period of time during which we will not be able to approve adoptions from Guatemala, until Guatemala’s adoption process provides the protections for children and families required by the Hague Adoption Convention.

The Government of Guatemala has confirmed its commitment to the Hague Adoption Convention, and is already working to amend its adoption law to conform to Hague requirements. However, the current adoption process in Guatemala is not consistent with the Convention. Designing and instituting new procedures will take time. The U.S. Government is working closely with the Hague Permanent Bureau and other interested governments to support Guatemala’s transition to meeting its obligations under the Hague Convention.

American citizens pursuing adoptions in Guatemala are already encountering some delays in the process. As recently as August 2007, several dozen children who were to be adopted by U.S. citizens were taken into custody by Guatemalan authorities because of alleged irregularities in the adoption process and concerns about the care of the children. A court-ordered investigation is now underway.

Several adoption service providers are under investigation in the United States, and at least one U.S. adoption facilitator faces prosecution in the United States. Under these circumstances, prospective adoptive parents face the real possibility that current, pending cases may be disrupted by legal investigations.

The Department of State strongly recommends that prospective adoptive parents defer plans to begin an adoption in Guatemala until the legal and procedural issues described above have been resolved.

I am incredibly ANGRY that the Guatemalan government continues to use Casa Quivera as an example of a potentially illegal operation that was not caring for its children. The children at CQ were not hospitalized until 2 weeks after the government took over their care. It was the government who did not care for those children.

Again, I will say that any agency or hogar (including CQ) that is unethical should be shut down. However, the comments being heard in Guatemala is that CQ was targeted because they allowed homosexuals to adopt.

Okay, I've got to get over this somehow. This is a closed door. It's a closed door for months if not longer.

UPDATE: ADA is attempting adoption reform within Guatemala that maintains the good things from the current system (including singles being able to adopt) while correcting the bad things. Here's their response to yesterday's DOS warning: http://www.adaguatemala.org/English/news/

Interesting article on Gutemalan women & children

2007-09-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

Here's a link from a woman who recently visited the highlands of Guatemala. The full article talks about Save the Children and its impact in Guatemala.

Some interesting facts from Dr. Judith Reichman's article include:

50 percent of children under the age of 5 in this country are chronically malnourished and this number increases to 70 percent in the central highlands

At least one in seven of their infants dies before the age of 5.

The illiteracy rate in Guatemala is 69.9 percent for those over 15 (only Nicaragua and Haiti are worse in Latin America and the Caribbean). In several areas that I visited in the highlands, more than 70 percent of the women were illiterate. Most children don't make it past the sixth grade, and 50 percent of Mayan adolescent girls don't attend school.

Cleaning up my blog

2007-09-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

If you are subscribed to this blog to be notified when there are updates, my apologies for the multiple emails this morning.

I decided to delete all references to my agency in all my posts. I'm doing that mostly because I wish to avoid being labeled "negative" or "pessimistic" by them or any future agency.

Guatemala & Single Parents

2007-09-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

I just keep praying that Guatemala remains open to single parents.

That is my biggest risk right now.

I'm okay waiting as long as Guatemala continues to allow single women to adopt after they implement their new rules.

In all the uncertainty, that's the one thing I keep thinking: remain open to singles and allow the babies to be referred as young as possible.

Okay, I guess that's two things. LOL

Agency info on Hague

2007-09-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

One of the agencies I contacted for an informational packet sent an email with info for prospective clients. I am not sharing the agency name; I will use AGENCY to refer to the organization.

If I wanted to use AGENCY, I would be required to read and sign a statement. I'm cutting/pasting information from the email and then the actual document itself.

Here's the email:

As Hague proceeds within Guatemala, there are numerous questions and concerns as to what will happen and how, as an adoptive family, you will be affected. It is true that Hague is moving forward and has strict adoption policies that the Guatemalan government must adhere to in order to proceed with adoptions. Currently the United States is on track to be fully implemented into the Hague accreditation process by March 31st, 2007.

Up until this date, the USCIS is allowing I-600a applications to be processed for immigrant visas for Guatemalan adoptions. This approval is valid for 18 months from the date of issuance. After March 31st, the USCIS will no longer accept I-600a applications for Guatemala until the country complies with the Hague treaty.

AGENCY is currently going through the accreditation process for Hague in the U.S. and at this time are happy to announce we have completed our site visit. We are confident that our initiative in seeking this accreditation early on will benefit our adoptive families. As we seek our Hague accreditation in the US, AGENCY has found that we are already practicing Hague guidelines in both our U.S. offices and also at ORPHANAGE in Guatemala.

AGENCY holds your concerns about the Hague Treaty in Guatemala to heart. We would like to update you with current information as you consider starting an adoption with Guatemala or as you continue with the rest of your adoption journey. Attached is a brief history of The Hague in Guatemala in case you are not already aware, and why our agency is continuing to accept clients while the Department of State is advising many agencies and adoptive parents against this.

As an agency we are in support of The Hague Treaty guidelines and hope they will be enforced to eliminate horrible circumstances for children, birth mothers, and adoptive parents that get caught in controversial adoptions.

As you read the attached document, it is important to note that AGENCY can not guarantee outcomes of adoptions through Guatemala. This is why we are providing all information that we are aware of and directing you to governing sources mentioned in this document for you to make an informed decision.

Please take time to review the following. http://www.travel.state.gov/pdf/Prospective_Adoptive_Parents_Guide.pdf

This guide is offered to you from the United States Department of State, Bureau of Consular Affairs.
http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/convention/convention_462.html

This will provide you an overview that is not agency specific and therefore offers you insight regardless of which agency you are speaking with or what country you are considering.

If you desire to still proceed with a Guatemala adoption we will need the attached document [AGENCY Guatemala Adoption Memo of Understanding] signed and returned to our office along with the application.

We desire to continue supporting you in your adoption process, answering your questions and directing you to appropriate resources to ensure the information you receive is accurate and helpful. Please continue to ask for what you need in light of this information and resources so that you may feel confident as you make decisions which may lead to bringing your child home.

Here's the information from the AGENCY Guatemala Adoption Memo of Understanding:

History on Guatemala and Hague
To give you some history on Hague and Guatemala, four years ago Guatemala signed The Hague Treaty without any forewarning and the very next day they did stop all new adoptions. All families placed with children proceeded under the current adoption law as the Guatemalan Congress began looking at new adoption laws and procedures which would be Hague compliant.

After six months of working on a new law (and almost done with a new adoption procedure), Guatemalan lawyers appealed to the Supreme Court stating that the Hague was implemented illegally based on the Guatemalan law. The Supreme Court ruled that Guatemala’s implementation into Hague was not done legally and thus the old adoption law/procedures were reinstated immediately.

Guatemala Today on Hague
At this time, Guatemala has not proceeded to making any immediate changes to their current adoption law. The Guatemalan Congress has “legally” reaffirmed the Hague Convention with an effective date of January 1, 2008.

Reaffirming The Hague means that on January 1st the President of Guatemala can sign the law that was passed by congress that authorizes him enter into the convention. This does not mean that the Hague Convention takes effect in Guatemala on January 1, 2008. Once signed the Hague Convention states that it will become effective the first day of the next month after a three month period from the accession. That is to say, if the convention is acceded January 1st, it will become effective May 1, 2008 and by this date (unless legislation is put forth asking for an extension), Guatemala must have a Hague Compliant adoption process.

Currently the Guatemalan Congress has two proposals before them. Bill #3217, known as the Ortega Law is the law approved by Unicef and the Executive Branch of Guatemala’s government, and gives the government greater control of the adoption process. The second Bill is #3635 which was developed more recently by Congressional advisers and maintains a balance of private accredited services with government oversight.

It is unclear as to whether or not Guatemala will proactively be able to pass a law before the affirmation into Hague on January 1st or if a law will not be agreed upon until Guatemala’s actual accession into Hague on May 1st.

It is important to note that Guatemala does not have a child welfare system in place at this time and therefore the government does rely heavily on the private institutions to care for the country’s children that will never be adopted (foster children). In 2003 many private orphanages were threatening the government to personally place foster children on the courts doorsteps unless the government provided monetary help immediately.

Due to the fact that the government relies so heavily on private institutions to care for their foster children, a long closure on adoptions would put the social welfare system in a crisis since adoptions bring money into institutions that care for all the kids children. Our agency’s orphan care fee ($5,000 tax deductible donation) as part of your adoption expenses, is a direct example of the humanitarian aid that agencies bring to Guatemala caring for those children who are left behind or will never be eligible for adoption.

AGENCY can provide opinions and recommendations regarding The Hague Convention and adoption related issues, but in no way, is AGENCY providing any promises or guarantees of timeframes or overall outcomes of your adoption process.

Guatemala Adoption Memo of Understanding
The Risks of a Guatemalan Adoption

I have read the U.S. Department of State’s March 14, 2007, posting called “Frequently Asked Questions: Prospective Adoptive Parents of Guatemalan Children” fully, and I/We understand the Department of State’s concern regarding adoptions from Guatemala.
I have read and understand the AGENCY Hague Treaty message.
I understand that AGENCY does not offer or guarantee a firm timeframe in which an adoption case can be completed in Guatemala.
I understand that there is a possible legislation that could slow down or stop adoptions in Guatemala. AGENCY cannot predict the length of time of a suspension or closure in Guatemala.
I understand that country fees paid for an adoption are non-refundable. Some fees paid for AGENCY services can be transferred to another program based upon country requirements and my family’s qualifications. The fees transferred are all but orphan care fees. If transferred monies are more than country fees, those fees are non-refundable. Otherwise, fees are non-refundable.
I understand that this signed statement does not replace any contracts or addendums previously signed.
I understand that change happens, especially in International Adoption, and I do not hold AGENCY responsible for any changes in my status of adoption with Guatemala. AGENCY agrees to inform me within a reasonable timeframe of any changes within Guatemala or my case.
I understand that the I-600A application fee is non-refundable. If I change country programs after filing an I-600A, I must file an I-824 with CIS (along with a processing fee) in order to change country programs.
I understand that the expenses involved in completing a dossier are mine to incur and if any country program changes are made, all costs incurred regarding this change is my responsibility.
I understand that AGENCY cannot guarantee an adoption will be completed prior to a Hague closure. AGENCY is not to be held responsible for any wait times due to country closures while in the process of your adoption.
I understand that if I am unable to complete the adoption due to the suspension or closure of adoptions between the U.S. and Guatemala, I will not be refunded any monies from overseas or AGENCY. However, if there is another program that fits my needs and qualifications through AGENCY, then monies can be transferred to that program. However, I understand that I might not qualify for another program, or other programs may not be desirable at this time.

I have read the above and I acknowledge and understand the risks as discussed above. It is still my desire to move forward with a Guatemalan Adoption.

===============

My interpretation of what they sent:

We want to help you adopt a child in spite of all the obvious turmoil. We know that most reputable agencies aren't taking new clients now, but we'll gladly take your money without guaranteeing anything. If you like big risks, let's get started.

Of course, if my original agency had put this document in front of me in July when I wanted to start my paperwork, I would have signed it on the spot.

NPR on Guatemalan Adoption

2007-09-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

If you visited my blog earlier today, you saw a beautiful baby boy. He's being considered so the agency asked me to delete the post with his picture.

NPR has an interesting report on Guatemalan adoption today. I say "interesting" because I'm not sure it was truly objective.

Unfortunately, they interviewed a UNICEF representative. Since I no longer trust anything UNICEF says, I'm not sure if I even want to provide the link. However, to be objective - here's the link. As I've mentioned earlier, UNICEF is only interested in stopping inter-country adoption in Guatemala, and the Guatemalan president wants the money UNICEF is promising for his own pockets.

The NPR report also talked about Casa Quivira. What wasn't said in the report: the rumor within the adoption community is that this orphanage was targeted because they allowed gay couples to adopt. Guatemala, like many other Latin American countries, is extremely homophobic. Some single prospective adoptive parents have had to include notarized signed statements professing their heterosexuality in their dossiers.

I agree that there are some reforms needed in Guatemala. However, I do not believe the corruption in Guatemala is any more prevalent than other countries (like Russia, as an example, where parents have been told to bring thousands of dollars in cash for "donations" when they pick up their children)

Still spending too much time on forums

2007-09-18T23:12:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling much better now that I've made a decision to wait. I told most of the people in my life. I think telling people just solidifies the decision.

Even one of the social workers (who would have made money on my homestudy) told me I made a wise decision.

What I haven't been able to do yet is get off the forums. Maybe reading the posts of people who are in process is a way for me to validate that I made the right choice for me. Maybe I think that I'll gain additional insight into the "right" timing for me to start. Maybe I care too much about the children and the prospective parents and the families that are being created.

Definitely waiting about Guatemala

2007-09-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

As much as I want to adopt from Guatemala, I'm waiting. When I talked with the social workers last week about getting a homestudy done quickly, it became apparent that I was taking a big risk. I could have gotten the homestudy completed, but the state & federal approvals could have been a problem.

There was a tiny, tiny chance that I could finish the dossier to get it registered in Guatemala before the year ends. Part of that process is identifying an agency or attorney who would still give child referrals. Several agencies have stopped taking applications. Other agencies are only working with families AFTER they are paper-ready.

I didn't mind rushing the paperwork process. But, I kept thinking about what would happen if I did all that rushing and then no reputable agency would work with me even if I was paper-ready. There are other agencies and/or attorneys who would take my money, but I'm not sure they would be trustworthy either.

I'm not sure I'm strong enough to take the risk. Even one of my guy friends who is a big risk taker was concerned about me. When we talked this weekend, he said it just isn't worth the heartache if it doesn't work out. It would be painful financially, mentally, and emotionally.

Someone told me, "you have to go with your head on this one and not your heart." She's right unfortunately.

Can't Hurt to Ask Some Questions

2007-09-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight I emailed two social workers to ask about how quickly they could do homestudies. I also asked some specific questions about my situation because I need some information to know if I would be approved or not. Being a self-employed single woman does not have its advantages in the adoptive process. I need to know their guidelines for approving homestudies specific to that situation.

One fear is that I will not get my paperwork dossier complete by Nov. 1. That date seems to be the one that is most important from Guatemala perspective.

Another fear is that I will get my dossier complete by Nov. 1 and then not have an ethical agency or attorney who will work with me.

Prospective adoptive parents who are deep into their processes are saying the same thing - Get the dossier complete. Switch countries if necessary when the dossier is complete. It's fairly easy to update homestudy for a new country if necessary.

Since I'm not relying on my original agency, my fees (at this point) are all fees I'd have to do regardless of country.

I Don't Know

2007-09-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

Until I feel the same way for more than 12 hours, it's difficult to know what I will do or not do.

I can tell you that if I had my dossier complete today, I'd have already mailed it to an agency or attorney.

Kevin's Radical Rant

2007-09-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

Kevin is one of the adoptive parents responsible for creating www.guadadopt.com, and that site is well-known in Guatemalan adoption community. It is a place to find information, support, and encouragement.

He has an area of the site where he offers his opinion on various situations. I'm posting what he put on the opinion area on September 6, 2007. Here's a link to the original posting

Although it is a long post, Kevin describes some of the past history that is creating the angst & anxiety related to current adoption process in Guatemala.

What the **** is going on?

Guatadopt readers, you've probably figured it out already but in case you haven't, there is a war being waged. I've posted this to my writer's corner, as it is strictly opinion and analysis. While this will discuss what has transpired with Casa Quivira and now La Primavera, I will do my best to use those only as case examples without getting into the particulars. In part, this is because I don't have the particulars. In part, it is because this is intended to explore the larger issues of the battle underway in regard to intercountry adoption (ICA) from Guatemala

First off, the “why”. I’ll start with the valid reasons for scrutiny on Guatemalan adoptions. There are and have been real problems with the adoption system. If only ethical people operated, Guatemala has a wonderful system. But because of a number of factors, unethical practitioners have run wild. As country after country has closed for ICA, it has placed a greater demand on the Guatemalan system. As this has happened, opportunists have run amok. We’ve seen the few examples of RAI, Mary Bonn, and Waiting Angels. But these have all been on the American side of the equation. And in reality, neither the US Embassy nor Guatemalan officials have done anything to stop the problems. Even when the US Embassy has banned people, they have continued to operate with impunity. Thanasis and Blanca Martinez are two great examples. The US Embassy was told who Thanasis was working with. And both the Guatemalan officials and the US Embassy knew that Blanca continued to work under two aliases (Rosalina Garcia and Luz Maria Guerra). Yet both are free today, not facing prosecution or any repercussions of any sort. In short, in any system where you combine money and lax enforcement of laws, things will run wild. This environment in my opinion was tolerated either because no one had any cajones to stop it, or because it helped bring things to where they are today.

Focus on the Guatemalan side. UNICEF has for a long time had large sums of money on the table for Bienestar if adoptions are halted. But time is running out for Pres. Berger to get his hands on that money as he leaves office in January. If we look at what the last president, Oscar Portillo, did as he left office, stealing oodles of cash, we can see that Central America has not recovered from what years of wars to “fight communism” did. Why should Berger be any different? Doesn’t he have the right to leave office with millions of dollars in his coffers like every other leader?

My point in all of this is that while there may be some justified reasons to clamp down on Guatemalan adoptions, there are definitely some other political, and possibly capitalistic, motives in play.

With all this said as background, what is it that is happening right now? Basically, the executive branch of the Guatemalan government is attempting to dominate control over the adoption process. This is apparently being done at the expense of the rule of the law, the Guatemalan Constitution, and the separation of powers between the branches of government.

Guatemala’s government very much mirrors that of the United States. In fact, the only difference I know of is that they have a unicameral, rather than bicameral, congress. But there is an executive branch with a president. That branch sets policy, signs off on laws, and sets regulation in accordance with the law. The legislative branch writes laws and approves them and has the ability to override a presidential veto (as Guatemala did recently on a family planning bill). And then there is a judicial branch to determine what those laws actually say.

In our US government and Guatemala’s, the judicial branch is really the end all. Just as the US Supreme Court got the final say in the Bush-Gore election debacle, the judicial branch of Guatemala’s government should be the most powerful. What is happening right now is that the Executive branch, headed by the President, which includes the PGN, is attempting to break the balance of powers in order to reinterpret the law to its desires.

Before I go into this, let me point out that this happens in the US as well. All of the recent court cases regarding wiretapping, the Patriot Act, Guantanamo, and more point to this being a pattern. In some cases, the courts have sided with the executive branch. In others they have not. My point is that ultimately the usurping of authority ends up in the courts who make a decision, but it can take time to right wrongs when the executive branch has overreached its authority.

In Guatemala right now, the executive branch is attempting to apply the PINA law to adoptions. Most every legal expert I have spoken to agrees that this is not an appropriate application of PINA. I have my ideas on how the executive branch might try to defend this, but what is clear is that their case is without doubt against the spirit and intent of PINA. Thus far, the courts have ruled that PINA does not apply to adoptions. Nonetheless, actions taken by the executive branch in regard to adoption are based on PINA.

The issue of notaries taking the judicial adoption route is an interesting one. Under Guatemalan law, as has been posted on this site, if PGN is overstepping its bounds notaries have the right to go before a judge and override PGN. This is no different than the prisoners at Guantanamo fighting the US executive branch for their rights to legal representation and to know the charges brought against them. I am not trying to be political, just trying to use a US case example to make a point. As I stated earlier, the judicial branch is usually the end all in legal debates. That is its role. In Guatemala, the courts can decide that PGN was overstepping its edicts, override PGN’s determinations, and approve the adoption. This is what has been happening and it is completely legal. With that said, judges are appointed by the executive branch. And just as we have seen in the political nature of US Supreme Court nominees, even judges can be political.

What is fascinating about this latest attack on adoptions if that for years Guatemala’s system has been criticized because judges are not involved in approving adoptions. Now that some judges have been brought into the equation, rather than just the executive branch/PGN, that is no longer a positive thing.

So where is the US government in all of this? Well folks, in my opinion they are sitting by and watching with a certain amount of satisfaction. My view is that the DOS wants adoptions ended because they are a pain in the neck. The US Embassy has had to become more involved in adoptions from Guatemala than in other countries due to the pathetic incompetence of Guatemala’s infrastructure to manage itself (blame which lies largely on its executive branch though that can not be blamed on Pres. Berger solely). The US government issued its warnings and now they are doing a bit of “I told you so”. They have supported any move by the Guatemalans to restrict adoptions. They have publicly thrown their support behind law proposals like Ortega that would end adoptions and the Protocol of Good Practices. So now they are letting people feel the pain.

For the record, officially the US has no say in what Guatemala does with its adoption system. Guatemala is a sovereign nation. And to their credit, the US has gone to bat for families with adoptions completed. But, it is ridiculous to believe that the diplomatic channels available to the DOS could not be more involved because the fact is that the US has a tremendous amount of influence over the actions of the Guatemalan executive branch. To imply otherwise is what my daughter would call “poopie”.

So this is where we find ourselves - in the midst of a multifaceted political struggle. What is truly sad is that innocent children are caught in the middle of it and these bureaucrats don’t seem to give a damn about it. So I will be the voice of reason.

Stop the bullshit attacks on legitimate hogars that provide excellent care. Stop the ridiculous, impossible to satisfy requests of PGN. If there is any evidence of children being placed for adoption that were kidnapped or not intentionally relinquished by their biological mothers than give those kids back to their biofamilies and throw the people who perpetrated the crimes in jail. Why is Blanca Martinez not behind bars? If Guatemala wants to adapt its system then that is its right. But to do so it must pass a new law and implement it in an organized manner that does not leave children stuck in the middle.

The government of the United States needs to defend its citizens who entered into a legal system in good faith. If they believe the system is so bad then they have the right to shut it down as they did in Cambodia. Instead they are choosing to make innocent American citizens and Guatemalan citizens victims in a game of emotional terrorism.

I am not here defending the current system. It needs reform. But I am here saying it is the law of Guatemala. So far, I have not seen that any of these media sensationalized attacks involve any illegal activity. Instead, they are centering on interpretation and stretches of the law that do not really involve the thing of fundamental importance – whether the children were intentionally relinquished.

I am an advocate for children and adoptive parents and what I see happening is a horrible injustice to both. This is wrong and needs to stop. So I end this tirade, this radical rant coming from someone who has tried to be calm and balanced and now finds himself pretty pissed off with a final thought. Whether it is a good, bad, or indifferent thing there are thousands of adoptions in process. There are real, living children who have no families and there are real, living parents who want nothing more than to provide them with a loving family environment. The line in the sand has been drawn by the US DOS. If Guatemala does not pass and implement Hague compliant legislation before the US ratifies The Hague early in 2008 then adoptions to the US, which make up over 90% of all Guatemalan adoptions, will end. Tens of thousands of families have been created through Guatemalan adoption. So don’t penalize children and good, honest adults wishing to give them families. Look for true breaches of ethical behavior and throw the perpetrators in jail. But let the rest continue even if they don’t exactly mirror the world community’s vision of what ICA should be just as they have for years. Stop this witch-hunt and if that means Pres. Berger leaves office with only his huge cattle farming operation to support him, so be it. Because this has all become ridiculous! Children should not be pawns in politics!

Getting Even More Convoluted

2007-09-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

The power struggle within Guatemala continues....

Today GuatAdopt posted this information

The Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS) is now urging all agencies to stop referrals.

Good people are continuing to work on behalf of the children. Organizations like Focus on Adoption are attempting to influence the situation.

My heart aches for the children who may end up on the streets or worse.

Update: Comment from Guatemala group supporting adoption is worth reading. In the past, they have had a good perspective of what happens.

Irony of Technology

2007-09-07T10:18:00.000-07:00

At the moment, I write two blogs. My other blog focuses primarily on business, success, and my perspectives. If you haven't read it, here's a link: When You're Ready to Soar

This blog is a roller-coaster ride about my adoption plans. Lately, my adoption journey has been more emotional, stressful, and upsetting. So, I decided to make this blog private. Only certain people would have access to it or maybe no one except me.

Of course, I did the exact opposite of what I planned. My business blog got the "private" status and this one was still wide open to anyone & everybody.

Thankfully, someone who reads both blogs sent me a note and asked why I had made my business blog private.

After I quit laughing, I decided I'd better change the settings for my business blog.

For now, I'll continue to leave this blog as-is.

Thank you for reading and posting comments. If I decide to take this one private, I'll let you know ahead of time.

UPDATE: If I do make this blog private, there is a way to set it up so your information is private.

Roller Coaster

2007-09-06T10:47:00.000-07:00

I love to ride roller coasters! I love the excitement and the giddiness that builds in your stomach as you get locked into your seat. I love the adrenaline that goes through your body as the coaster starts its ascent. I love the absolute freedom of hurtling through space with the wind whipping through my hair.

Lately, however, I remember the very FIRST roller coaster ride I took with my dad. I wasn't even 10 years old, and the ride was the Screamin' Eagle in Six Flags Mid-America (St. Louis, MO).

We stood in line for at least an hour because it was THE newest, best roller coaster in the country. It might even have been closer to two hours. It just seemed like forever to me.

Periodically, Dad would say, "Honey, are you sure you want to do this?" Each time I would nod my head vigorously. "Oh, yes! I want to do this!"

When we got closer to the ride, I remember how much my stomach tightened. I was beginning to get scared, but I also was determined to be brave. I remember thinking that we had stood in line for all this time so I HAD to go through with it. I didn't want to disappoint my dad. I didn't want to be a scared little girl. It had taken a lot of begging & pleading for my dad to even agree to go on the ride.

As we filed into place, we were going to be in the front seat. (Side note: back then, you didn't get any choice about where you sat) By this time, I was really really really not sure I knew what I was doing, but I kept telling myself that I had my dad with me.

When they locked the safety bar in place, I locked my arms around my dad's arm for protection. I think he was just as nervous as I was.

By the time our coaster was climbing the hill for the first drop, I was totally silent. I remember saying to myself, "what were you thinking??"

I shut my eyes the entire time.

I couldn't handle it.

I was in over my head, and I knew it.

As we were leaving the ride, they gave us buttons that said I'm no chicken! I flew the Screamin' Eagle!

My dad looked like a ghost. I said, "Let's do it again! This time I'll keep my eyes open."

This week I'm feeling the same way I felt while I was in line for the Screamin' Eagle.

I'm not sure I can start this process now.

I'm not sure I want to wait either because there's a possibility that Guatemala will prohibit singles from adopting when it implements the Hague.

I'm no chicken, and I do have my eyes open.

I just don't know if I'm getting on the ride now
or waiting a little bit longer...

Considering direct adoption with attorney

2007-09-04T14:25:00.000-07:00

Last week I was approached by people who have adopted directly. That means that they worked directly with adoption attorney in Guatemala instead of using an agency.

While I spent most of the weekend at a family reunion in Kentucky, my brain kept going back and forth about this idea. It felt funny to be distrustful of someone offering help, but there are a lot of adoption scams and corruption.

Today a trusted friend contacted me with personal contacts of people who are adopting directly with attorney in Guatemala.

I'm asking them for more information so we'll see what happens.

I Choose to Believe

2007-08-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

It's been a tumultuous week. Tonight a friend of mine shared some good words:

The art of allowing is soothing yourself, coddling yourself if you will. It's talking with yourself the way you would soothe anyone that you love. It's reassuring yourself

I choose to believe there is an open door

I choose to believe there is an agency willing to work with me NOW to adopt from Guatemala

I choose to believe the agency that is MY agency is willing to allow me to foster in Antigua

I choose to believe that God is in control

I choose to feel calm and confident in my choices and decisions

I choose to allow the adversity swirling around other people to dissipate around me

I choose to believe that it will be smooth sailing once I get connected with MY agency

I choose to believe I am in the process of having all the money I need before I need it

I choose to believe my family is being created even as I type these words

I choose to believe I will live safely & happily in Antigua with my child while we are completing the adoption process

I choose to allow myself to move forward now, knowing all is well

Inflammatory Headlines

2007-08-14T13:57:00.001-07:00

In case anyone has been following this story in the press, I wanted to post a statement from the director of the adoptive home in Guatemala:

Statement from Casa Quivira
August 14, 2007

We are shocked at the illegal police raid on Casa Quivira, and are working to make sure that the 45 children in our care continue to receive the high quality, professional care that we work so hard to provide.

Guatemalan authorities have accused Casa Quivira of operating an “illegal” orphanage (casa cuna clandestina), but we have worked under a cabinet-level approval since 1994 to legally and transparently process adoptions and to provide care for children while the adoptions are in progress. The children stay in a modern, clean facility where they are attended by experienced nannies and receive regular visits from pediatricians and a staff nurse is always on duty. Care ratio of nanny to baby is very low and each child is properly stimulated and monitored for growth as well as psycho-motor development. The children at Casa Quivira receive better care than the children in the surrounding communities, so we have also been working to build an out patient pediatric clinic that would provide basic medical care and vaccinations to children in need. We have built a strong reputation in our local community and enjoy the support of many of the families around the world that we have helped, which makes these accusations all the more painful for everyone involved with Casa Quivira.

I recognize that the US government has concerns about the way adoptions are processed by Guatemalan authorities. The reason so many parents come to us is because of our high standards for ensuring that every child’s adoption is handled in way that is fair and legal for the birthmother as well as the adoptive parents. From the time that birthmothers place their children in our care until the case is approved by the Guatemalan government birth mothers have several opportunities to change their minds. The birth mothers and the infants are required to twice undergo DNA testing at a facility approved by the US embassy. The actual sample testing is performed at a laboratory in the United States. All of this is to ensure that an infant is actually the birthmother’s child. The birthmother also undergoes a rigorous interview through the Family Court of Guatemala and the entire case is reviewed by the Solicitor General's Office (Procuraduria General de la Nacion) of Guatemala for final approval.

We maintain extensive files on each of the children in our care. All of the children’s documents, official certificates from the Guatemalan government regarding their adoptions, as well as the documents certifying Casa Quivira’s operations have been confiscated by the authorities. They have also taken the children’s medical records, which our doctors and nurses need to provide care to the children.

I do not know why the Guatemalan police decided to raid Casa Quivira and to malign our work and our staff. I do not understand why they fail to recognize or even mention that the statutes of Casa Quivira are duly recognized and approved by the Ministry of Government (Ministerio de Gobernacion) of Guatemala. All of us are deeply hurt by the accusations that we would in any way mistreat or neglect any of these children. We work hard to provide the very best care possible. We believe that our adoptions are conducted in a way that positively supports the people of Guatemala. We will continue to do our best to make sure that the children are well cared for and that their adoptions can be completed with as little delay as possible.

Attached you will find a copy of the Acuerdo Ministerial dated 27 December 1994 which was later published in the Diario Oficial, (the official Government Record of Guatemala) This Acuerdo approves the statutes of the institution of which Casa Quivira is a project to process adoptions and provide care for children while in adoption. This is a Government Ministry (Minsterio de Gobernacion) level approval and together with the statutes is furthermore registered with the Attorney General’s Office, the National Police and the Municipality of Antigua.

Clifford Phillips
Casa Quivira

Finally ready to talk about it

2007-08-13T17:26:00.001-07:00

Here is a recap from Friday's conversation...

During Friday’s conversation, the first question the program director asked me is if I have considered other programs. I explained to her that I researched the other agency country programs, domestic adoption, and adopting from foster care. After all that, I still feel strongly that I want to adopt from Guatemala.

Then she talked about how risky it is to start the process now. Then she told me that since I’m a single woman, it could be difficult because most countries prefer two-parent families. She said the agency is always developing new programs, but as a single woman, I’d be eligible to adopt a 4-6 year old. I prefer a 0-3 year old, and I still prefer Guatemala. Then she asked me if I’m willing to spend the money for the homestudy and additional paperwork and possibly be told within the next two months that you aren’t starting any new cases.

I told her that I already feel like I’ve invested $3000 with your agency & I may never bring a child home as a result. If I spend another $2000, then I invested $5000 without a child. But, if there is a possibility that I can bring home my child from Guatemala, I wanted to take that risk.

Then we discussed the Hague implementation. I asked the program director the same question I asked my caseworker: can your agency ask the government to clarify its position in regard to the I-600A form being filed and the latest memo. The latest memo doesn’t say that it supersedes the original memo. We have two conflicting messages from our government about finalizing Guatemalan adoptions. I would think that your agency would have a way of asking for clarification so that we all feel more comfortable. From what I read and understand, the government has said that it will honor the adoption if my I-600A form is completed.

At that point, she said that she wanted me to speak with another director in your agency. I lost control of my emotions at that point. I have been asking for a clear “yes, you can start your paperwork now” or “no, you can’t start your paperwork now” for a month. I expressed my hurt, disappointment, and frustration because it feels as if they are stringing me along. It feels as if they are looking for ways to pass more time so that it is more difficult to complete the paperwork. At the end of the conversation, the program director said that a decision can’t be made that quickly and I needed to speak with someone else.

Okay, I had a meltdown after I hung up the phone. Then, I got angry about how I've been treated. I wrote a letter to their executive director and sent it via FedEx so it would arrive this morning. I sent it FedEx so I'd have a record that it was received.

This morning the program director and my caseworker called me at my work number (in spite of being told that the easiest number to call me is my cellphone). Thank God my assistant forwarded the call to my cell phone.

Bottom line is that they aren't comfortable starting a case. If I would be willing to switch countries, the fees I've already paid will apply to that adoption. My fees can also remain with them to be used in the future for a Guatemalan adoption.

I lost a month because of their lack of responsiveness. I am extremely frustrated. I recognize that they may not understand how difficult it is to hear “wait until next week to talk with someone else.”

Although I didn't want to switch agencies, I've already contacted several other agencies. They are still starting new cases. I'm going to do some research and make a decision quickly about what's next.

What I have to do to "start a case"

2007-08-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

Several friends asked the same question I received in an anonymous comment yesterday:
Since this is the 8th of August and they won't start cases after the 31st, why won't they let you start? I am missing something obviously.

To start a new case, I have to have the following documents completed:

2 Notarized birth certificates
Fingerprint card from the police
Completed homestudy (a homestudy involves about 40 separate items)
1 Letter from police stating that I have no criminal background
1 Letter from my doctor stating that I'm in good health to raise a child to adulthood
1 Letter from my employer/accountant stating that I'm financially able to care for a child
2 witness letters that must be notarized (signed in front of a notary)
1 reference letter stating that I'm of good character to raise a child

All of those documents have to be certified within the state of Arizona and sent to Guatemala consulate in Los Angeles for legalization. Somewhere in the process I think the documents have to be translated to Spanish.

Oh, yeah... last one is a biggie to 'start a case' to adopt now. I have to have my immigration approval from the US government.

Now is it clearer why I might not be able to get everything done by August 31? And, the program director isn't talking with me until tomorrow.

Two things are still working in my favor.

I am in between projects so I have the time to do all these activities as long as other people (aka homestudy provider, police, notary, etc) can do what they need to do on my timetable.

I trust that if it's time, it will happen. After all, the door is still open since I haven't yet talked with the program director.

Okay, here's the scoop

2007-08-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Before my caseworker left for vacation last week, she asked the program director to call me. She left a detailed note to explain my situation and circumstances. She explained that I have the flexibility of potentially staying in Guatemala for a period of time during the adoption process because I can make remote work arrangements with my business. She explained that my heart was truly focused on Guatemala. Instead of calling me, the program director waited to talk with the caseworker about my situation. So, that's why the delay happened.

My agency is very concerned about being able to complete my adoption before the Hague is implemented in the US. They are also concerned about what they are hearing from the lawyers in Guatemala about changes within Guatemala. For those reasons, my agency is choosing not to start any new cases after August 31.

I understand and trust that my agency has my best interests at heart. I understand that they are trying to avoid heartbreak from being matched with a child and not being able to bring that child home to US.

Good news is that my caseworker understands where my heart is. Yesterday I explained to her that I have already been thinking about my "what if" contingencies again. When I think about switching to adopt from another country, I truly prefer Guatemala. When I think about a domestic adoption instead of an international adoption, I prefer Guatemala. When I think about adopting from the US foster care system, I prefer Guatemala.

She is going to insist that the program director speak with me directly. She believes if the program director understands who I am that it might be possible to start the paperwork now.

I'm focused on divine timing. If it is supposed to happen now, it will. If the program director still says I have to wait, I will look for other open doors.

Another voicemail

2007-08-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

Before my caseworker left for her vacation last week, she said that I'd hear from the program director. When I didn't hear anything from the program director by Thursday of last week, I called and left voicemail.

I left another voicemail just now for my caseworker. I realize she's probably swamped today since she was out last week. I asked her to call me with an update - even if it's to let me know they are still discussing it.

I continue to remind myself that it's not about my timing. It's about divine timing.

No update yet

2007-07-30T17:06:00.001-07:00

My caseworker doesn't have an update for me yet.

I'll post something when I know more.

Finally talked with my caseworker!

2007-07-26T16:15:00.000-07:00

My caseworker called this afternoon. I think she had been putting off the call because she thought she was giving me bad news.

The short story is that my agency has gotten very concerned over the last State Department memo. They don't want to start any new cases until the Hague issues are resolved.

However (good news alert), my caseworker is going to talk with the program director and the lawyers to see if I can re-start my process anyway. Since I had already started the process, I may be able to continue now. My situation is rather unique since I have the flexibility of working remotely from Guatemala.

It's a long shot for them to agree for me to re-start my process. I'm 100% calm & excited all at the same time. I figure if it's supposed to happen now, it will. If it's supposed to happen later, it will. Divine timing - it's all divine timing!

I'd truly love to hear her voice tomorrow. I'd truly love to hear her say, "Okay, Lucinda, get going with that paperwork ASAP because we're going to see if we can make this happen!"

Guatemalan coffee in my house!

2007-07-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

It's such a wonderful feeling to be home! I slept an extra long time last night just because I was in my bed.

I'm sitting at my dining room table and enjoying my second cup of Guatemalan coffee. There are 30 quail and a few rabbits eating the grass in my backyard.

Life is good!

I've left a message for my agency case worker. She's out of the office today & tomorrow. I asked her to call me next week.

Slightly worried

2007-07-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

Haven't heard back from my agency yet...

I'm going to call tomorrow to ask again about getting my paperwork underway

Going with the flow....

2007-07-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

Talk about divine timing!

While I'm resting & relaxing in Columbus, IN this morning, I started chatting with my friend's father about my trip to Guatemala. He tells me that he knows a couple in Columbus who have a foundation for helping people in Guatemala.

Long story short, I meet them. We spend several hours talking about the foundation - Seeds of Help. It's designed to assist the people of Guatemala through education and development programs and construction projects. I love that they follow the policy of teaching people how to fish instead of giving them fish to eat!

Tonight we talked about the organization, development efforts, and great ideas about how to move forward. I'm traveling back to Indiana in early September to continue talking with them about how the organization can grow and evolve.

Some people would say, "What an amazing coincidence!"

I say, "Everything happens for a reason!"

Waiting to hear from my agency

2007-07-10T17:45:00.000-07:00

After spending almost a week in Guatemala, I know that it will be an honor to have life-long ties to that country! I have been doing some research on options to live & work there. Ideally, I'll find a way to live there in the summers so I can escape the Phoenix heat.

Realistically, it might be difficult to find a way to live & work there. Teaching might be an option. If I can get decent telecommunication and Internet connections, it might be easier to tele-commute with my clients.

I also contacted my agency to ask if it would be possible for me to live in Guatemala with my child(ren) during the adoption process. I'm waiting to hear from them.

Now it's just a matter of time as the details get worked out.

Another great day

2007-07-05T19:08:00.000-07:00

What a quick trip! I talked with one of the missionaries today about the safest place in Guatemala for a single woman to live. She said Antigua.

Glad that was her suggestion because I love being in Antigua. We went there again today, and it was still a fun place to explore. Once I am fluent in Spanish, it will be even better!

Several people are extending their trips through the weekend. As much as I love being here, I'm ready to go home. I plan to return SOON for another visit and/or live and/or....

Sarah Can See!

2007-07-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

The highlight of my day was holding a 2 year old little girl before her eye exam. Okay, that's not quite true - holding her before her exam was only the second best highlight of my day.

Watching her expression when she could see was the HIGHLIGHT of my day!

Just to prove that God knows what He's doing.... this little one has terrible vision (+2.00/+3.00) and she's tiny. Kevin searched through his bag of child glasses and found a perfect pair of glasses with the exact prescription she needed.

As soon as she was wearing them, she smiled & laughed. I waved at her, and she waved back. The pigtails in her hair were bobbing all around as she looked around her.

I told her family (through the interpreter) about my brother. When he was fitted with glasses, he was fascinated that there were holes in his crackers. He hadn't seen them before he had glasses. I told them to expect lots of excitement and happiness as she explored her new world.

Regardless of the travel woes and tensions, today's experience with little Sarah made my entire trip worthwhile!!

Visiting Antigua

2007-07-03T19:49:00.001-07:00

Today we toured a coffee plantation and then went to the market at Antigua. My shopping self took over, and I had a great time!

Of course, I could have bargained better. I must admit that it takes me some time to warm up to negotiate appropriately.

The first item I bought was a baby sling. Nellie showed me how to wrap the cloth around my body and fit the baby inside it. Just holding the fabric made me smile & shiver.

When we went to Nim Pot (another market area), I met a couple in the process of adopting two baby girls. They are actually living in Guatemala with their girls while they wait for the court to finish its processing.

Their girls are currently 10 months old and 3.5 months old. Their names are Maya and Alia, and my immediate thought was "wow, combine their names and you get Malia"

This morning as we were driving, I spoke with Fontaine about working in Guatemala. He said the American schools are always in need of people to teach. They pay well and provide a place to live. The school year is January through October.

Perhaps I can arrange to be my baby's foster mom. I can teach and we can live together here.

That's an idea worth pursuing.....

I'm here & it feels surreal!

2007-07-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

Just arrived in Guatemala! It's amazing to actually be here. Not sure what to expect or what will happen over the next few days.

Everywhere I turned in the last few weeks, I met someone who has adopted or who knows someone who adopted from Guatemala. It also seems like everywhere I go, I see a family with Guatemalan children.

More tomorrow after we visit Antigua

Expectant parent? whoops!

2007-06-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of applying for independent medical coverage. One of the questions asks if you're an expectant parent. If you are, you're automatically not eligible for coverage. (I won't even go into the woeful state of US healthcare)

What's funny is that I chose "no" on my on-line application. When I went to print it for my records, it showed a "yes" answer. When I saw the "wrong" answer on the application, I had to laugh loudly! After all, I am an expectant parent.... just not medically expectant.

I had to fax them a written statement saying that I'm not pregnant.

Guess we'll see what happens next....

2007-06-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

I leave for Guatemala on Sunday. Doesn't seem quite possible yet.

Part of me is thrilled. Part of me is really nervous.

I don't know how long I'll stay in Guatemala. I have to admit that I'm giddy thinking about not having a specific time to return. I don't know if I've ever been on holiday without having a job or a project or a deadline waiting for my return.

Hasta luego if I'm not online again before leaving...

Feeling discouraged

2007-06-19T16:30:00.000-07:00

Okay...

Today is not an easy day to be waiting on divine peace.

I read some updates on the various Guatemalan adoption sites like Guatadopt.com and the US State Department.

Depressing

Today I am afraid that I will go to Guatemala, know that I want to adopt children from Guatemala, and then won't be able to do it.

Waiting isn't easy right now. Trusting it will work out isn't easy.

Survival Spanish

2007-06-18T06:11:00.000-07:00

Hola!

In two weeks, I'll be in Guatemala. My attempts to learn some survival Spanish have not resulted in any confidence that I could converse with anyone besides a "hello! how are you?"

I'm still excited about going! Lately several work colleagues and other people have asked why I'm going. I explain that I believe I will have life-long ties to this country if I adopt from Guatemala. I'm going because I want to know if I want to have life-long ties to this country, its people, its culture, its language, its way of being.

While I'm waiting for my divine peace, it feels like a divine opportunity to visit the country appeared before me.

Just like when I was waiting for divine peace to know that it was the right time to move to Phoenix, I'm waiting for my divine peace about adopting. It's not easy. It's sometimes difficult when you have well-meaning friends who ask, "why aren't you doing anything?" I think the most hateful thing I've heard is "you're not ever going to adopt because if you were, you would have done it by now."

When people ask why I'm not doing anything, I give my short answer ~ it doesn't feel right yet. The long answer...... that's just for me to know

Going to Guatemala

2007-06-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago some college friends sent email to let me know that they were going to Guatemala on a missions trip with their church.

WOW!

I asked if the group was full. It was.

Then, Jen emailed me to ask if I might be interested in going because someone had to drop out at the last minute!

OH YEA!

I'm leaving July 1. It's just for a week. I'm looking at it as a great way to know if I want to have life-long ties to the country (aka adopt a baby from there)

Woo hoo! A month from today I'll be in Guatemala!

Gratitude and Grace

2007-05-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have wondered why I'm not posting lately, it's because I'm waiting for the right time to move forward. In every major decision of my life, I have waited for the day I wake up & know within every fiber of my being that it's time. I feel clear, focused, and do what I'm led to do. When I take action after that day happens, everything goes smoothly & quickly.

I'm grateful for the fabulous things happening in my life while I am waiting....

I'm grateful that I'm wrapping up work at one client and looking forward to the opportunities I will have with the time that will be available.

I'm grateful for friends who know me and know why I'm waiting for the right time to start the adoption process again. A couple of weeks ago I spent a day in silence. I completed a labyrinth and spent time in a meditation chapel & healing garden. When you spend that much time in silence, you truly do hear what you're intended to hear.

I'm grateful that my future children will know how much I love them. I'm grateful that they will understand why I chose to ensure my business is stable & secure before adding additional responsibility. As a single mom, it is vital that I am prepared financially for their arrival. After all, once they are here, they are my family forever!

I'm also demonstrating grace with people who either choose not to understand or who are ignorant of what single motherhood involves. I know that my life will be turned upside down once I have children. I'm looking forward to those changes even while I'm also scared witless.

Until my children are with me, I am going to go where I want, do what I want, and live as I want with joy, happiness, contentment, and excitement. After my children are with me, WE will go where we want, do what we want, and live as we want with joy, happiness, contentment, and excitement.

Visiting with a childhood friend

2007-04-09T20:13:00.000-07:00

Last week I traveled to Illinois to stay with my parents. My mom's birthday was Wednesday & I wanted to surprise her. It's also important to her that I celebrate Easter so I came home.

I had an added bonus during this trip because I saw one of my childhood friends. I hadn't visited with her for 15 years. We lost touch after her twins were born, and time flies. I didn't even know that she moved four years ago.

It didn't seem like she had changed at all, and I feel like a completely different person than I was in high school. Yes, I still have a soft heart and a kind spirit. Yes, she still centers her life around her faith in God.

Although we have taken different paths, we chose our lives. I chose to travel, see the world, and live in different places. I chose experiences that expanded who I am and how I view the world. She chose to live in the same state where she grew up. She chose to marry and have children. She chose experiences that kept her world focused on what's important to her.

It's ironic that her children might be "leaving the nest" before my children arrive in my life. I wonder what her life will be like. I wonder if she will feel the same restlessness that I've felt as I contemplate what's next.

Yes, we're on different paths..... we also still love & care for each other in spite of the time apart.

Six months from now

2007-03-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I decided to write a description of my life as if today was Sept. 27, 2007. Believe it or not, that is just six short months from now....

Instead of sharing all the things I wrote, I will share a few lines.

The house remodel is finally complete, and I'm content to live there another year or two. Then I have to decide on a new place - I still might buy 2 places to go between them. Sometimes I think of Mr. Almost-Not-Quite & now I just wish him well when I remember him. He's there in my heart & I treasure him for lots of good memories. I'm still not ready yet to be a mom. No idea why I have such a clear desire to be a mom and yet I'm still waiting. It seems like a baby will come to me soon ~ just have no idea how.

This might be the longest gestation in the world of man. I still feel like I'm preparing my home and heart for a child or children. Isn't it interesting how my insides tied my heart & home together so easily with the children who are coming soon?

It's all good.

Going with the flow

2007-03-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago someone suggested that I set a deadline for making a decision on what to do next. I'm sure that seems logical to a lot of people.

What works for me is paying attention to my little voice. That little voice has guided me pretty well throughout my life. When I ignore it, I have trouble. When I follow it, all goes smoothly.

My little voice is crystal clear about my desire to be a mom. However, I also feel like I'm pushing right now. I don't feel good when I feel like I'm pushing myself for a decision.

Pushing is not going with the flow.

Relaxing for now is going with the flow.

Being open to any avenue for a child to enter my life is going with the flow.

Talking with people who adopted is going with the flow.

Feeling serene about my options is going with the flow.

I'm going with the flow....

wherever it takes me

More press on Guatemalan adoptions

2007-03-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

Now USA Today is jumping on the press bandwagon....

U.S. government scrutinizes Guatemalan adoptions

Yes, I posted a comment.

Yes, I'm still relieved not to be on the Guatemala Adoption Rollercoaster.

No, I still don't know what I'm doing.

No, I didn't get the spa day scheduled yet.

Gratitude

2007-03-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

With the week I had... I think it's important that I pay attention to the Grains of Gratitude running through Blogland....

I am grateful for

Living in the United States - with all our fusses and sometimes idiotic politicians, we still live in a country with the most opportunity, most abundance, most freedom of any country on the planet
Friendships like Ferelith - she called today and it was so good to chat with her! I told her that the last two weekends I really, really, really wished she lived in Arizona instead of Wisconsin! She's the kind of friend that you just love to sit in her kitchen and talk about everything. You don't have to do something to enjoy being with her
March Madness - oh yeah! I love college basketball and my teams (Purdue & Kentucky) are still playing in the tournament (big cause of excitement because both teams were less than consistent during the regular season)
my DVR because I can watch TV when I want instead of when the show is on. This morning I enjoyed Grey's Anatomy and two Oprah shows
my parents are still alive and still married to each other after 40+ years together! My dad is forgetting some stuff these days, and I try to say that it's ok he sometimes forgets
my choices, my decisions, and my future - they are all wrapped together because I truly believe the decisions I make TODAY will shape the choices I have tomorrow!
my patio - honestly, I love sitting on my patio and watching the sun set in the distance. It is truly spectacular to see the streaks of red & purple in the sky
delicious Asian halibut that I had in the middle of the afternoon (sort of a lunch/dinner combination) at The Keg Steakhouse
art shows like Celebration of Fine Art so I can wander around and dream of different houses with different art themes
white wine with cheese & crackers (goes especially well with sunsets on my patio)
people I met via blogs and the joy I feel in reading their blogs and their comments on my blogs... it really is a lovely, little community!

Totally fried

2007-03-15T23:02:00.000-07:00

While I was having lunch with a girlfriend, I told her that I wanted a "do over!" Seriously, I look at my life, and I need a complete "do over" in every area and every aspect.

I'm obviously totally fried and in need of a spa day.... Until then, my decision-making ability is less than optimal

A thought that keeps drifting through my head is that I'm going to continue on the "workaholic" path unless I have a baby that needs my attention.

Glad I stopped Guatemala process!

2007-03-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

The info night on Monday wasn't very informative for me. A lot of emphasis put on foster parenting in Arizona and just no "warm & fuzzies"

This week the general press has put a lot more attention on adoption from Guatemala. President Bush's trip to discuss the situation with the Guatemalan president puts a huge spotlight directly on the problem.

Guatadopt.com posted the latest set of Frequently Asked Questions from the government. It isn't pretty. Really, all this information did was confirm what my insides told me....

I'm supposed to stop looking in Guatemala..... maybe it's for now, maybe it's for ever.

Another Info Night

2007-03-12T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today I read a packet from a local adoption agency that arrived in the mail this weekend. Since I didn't get my mail until this morning, I'm GLAD I opened it on the way to work.

There's an orientation and information meeting tonight. The orientation is for people who are considering foster or adoptive parenting. Luckily, it's literally 5 minutes drive from my client site so I won't have to worry about traffic.

Not sure that I want to foster. After conversations with other adoptive moms during the weekend, I am open about adopting a sibling group.

It's ironic. I adopted my two cats (yes, I use adopted because we ARE a forever family) after saying for months that I only wanted to adopt one kitten. Having the two together is so much fun! I can't imagine having one without the other.

I know sibling group automatically means older child. I have started saying I'm open to where my child(ren) are. I guess that means emotionally I'm already a mom to more than one child.

Check back... I'm sure I'll have more opinions after the orientation....

Sick of thinking so much....

2007-03-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight I talked with an adoptive mom who is single and adopted a little boy from Ethiopia. It was enlightening, informative, fun, and interesting....

She said two things that really helped me to focus.

The first is that you don't want to continue to wait around and think about it when you can be experiencing the joy of being a mom.

The second is that you really don't want to drag out the thinking. Part of me feels like that's already happened.

I just know that I'm tired of thinking about it. I want to set my course and feel good about my choice and move forward.

One door closes, one opens?

2007-03-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I received three referrals for domestic adoption agencies. One sounded really great, and my friend had used the same agency.

Then I get to the program descriptions.... They only work with couples married two years plus.

I'm an optimist.... I called them. A very polite young man says, "no, ma'am, we don't work with singles."

So, I'm looking for that open door.... where oh where are you?

Talking Really Helps!

2007-03-07T17:49:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I spent an hour getting caught up on favorite blogs (like Ella and Savanna) and reading new blogs (like Angel). It truly helps to read what other people are experiencing.

Thank you for sharing!

In addition to feeling better, the blogs are informative. I've had this mental hang-up that domestic adoption wasn't an option for me. Since I'm single, it didn't seem probable that a birthmom would choose a single woman to be the parent.

Tonight I also talked with Barb - she's married to my college friend Craig. They have a beautiful son who is biracial. The birthmom knew she couldn't handle a third child so that's why she chose adoption.

I have always heard that birthmoms choose you for lots of reasons. My friend Beth's birthmom wanted to be the one to help two people become first-time parents. Craig & Barb's birthmom chose them because of how they treated her two other children.

She said a birthmom can choose you because you have a goldfish or because you have a college degree. One family she knows was picked because they had a farm.

Barb said that being single doesn't have to be a problem. She said it was possible that someone would just be glad that an independent career woman could provide for her child in ways that she can't.

It helped to talk with Barb today. It helped tremendously.

I think I am going to explore domestic adoption for Hispanic or biracial child. I have no idea what that means in terms of agencies or attorneys or whatever.

All I know is that today a domestic adoption feels more comfortable than pursuing an adoption with Guatemala. Like someone else mentioned in their blog today, I'm not giving up on Guatemala. I'm just putting Guatemala on hold until their process is more stable.

Putting Guatemala on hold doesn't mean putting my dream of being a mom on hold.

It never hurts to ask "why?"

2007-03-06T23:03:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Getting Things Done by David Allen. It's a business book because I do a lot of reading for my consulting business. He says that anytime you get sidetracked with a project/meeting/discussion it's important to return to your purpose. Specifically, he writes,

It never hurts to ask the "why?" question. Almost anything you're currently doing can be enhanced and even galvanized by more scrutiny at this top level of focus....What's the purpose of your task? Why are you having friends over for a barbeque in the backyard? Why are you hiring a marketing director? Why do you have a budget? (Allen, pp. 62-63)

Okay, David Allen.....Let's ask some "why?" questions

Why am I considering adoption?
Because I want to be a mom. Because I'm not sure I want to be single and pregnant physically. Because there are many children who need and deserve safe, loving homes. Because I believe all children deserve at least one caring parent to help them grow and become whoever they want to be. Because I truly believe I can help a child through adoption.

Why do I want to be a mom?
Because I have lots of love to give to a child. Because I can't help all the children in all the countries grow up in safe, loving homes. Because I can't do it all for every child who needs a family, but maybe I can do my best for one or two children. Because I want to experience what I feel like my friends experience every day. Because when I am with my friends' children, I am touched to see how children grow and learn. Because when I am with my friends' children, I feel like they are so incredibly unique and special - they are like fragile flowers who need nurturing and tending so they bloom in adulthood.

Why am I not moving forward?
Because I no longer know what country, where, or how I will proceed. Because it's easy to fret and worry. Because I don't know if Guatemala is safe for me to continue pursuing an adoption there. Because I don't want to continue to spend money on Guatemalan adoption when there could be other places/avenues that are easier. Because part of me secretly wishes I could get physically pregnant tomorrow and not deal with all the BS paperwork. Because part of me secretly wishes someone would call and say "hey, I have a baby for you." Because I'm not ready.

ah.... well... at least, I confirmed that I still want to be a mom.

Saturday mornings

2007-03-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

For someone who believes it's important to focus on what you want and take action, I seem to be really unfocused at the moment.

Of course, if I prefer to look at it as "I'm open to whatever happens" then it feels a little bit better.

The truth is that I feel strongly that every decision shapes the choices I will have tomorrow. I like sleeping late on a Saturday morning. I also feel a little lonely on a Saturday morning without anyone to talk with me or do things with me.

So, is it a man or a child or both that I would prefer to be with me? Do I really care how the man or child(ren) appear? I don't think so.... I think I just know that I would like to have humans around me on the weekend in addition to my lovely cats.

Flipped switch?

2007-03-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend in Vegas with two of my closest girlfriends. We became friends through the Arizona Adoptive Families group.

During the weekend I'm told alternately "you would be such a great mom!" and "you don't want to wait too long so that you're too old to adopt"

Good to hear.... both comments.

So, why do I feel that some switch inside me has been flipped to "nope, you're not going to have that so get used to it"?

Still distressed

2007-02-26T18:34:00.000-07:00

It's distressing me greatly that I can't seem to come to a quick resolution about what I'm doing and when I'm doing it.

The Department of State has released another statement about Guatemala that "strongly cautions" potential adoptive parents to "carefully consider their options at this time." It seems that they have been catching some unscrupulous people doing bad things in the name of adoption. Rather than go into the details here, you can read the short statement online.

This weekend I talked with a friend in Istanbul, Turkey. When I think about visiting Turkey, I remember talking with my friend Aysegul about how we were going to be friends forever. We were going to marry guys who liked each other because we were going to spend our summers together on Burgaz (island in Marmara Sea off coast of Istanbul). I thought about our children growing up together. She didn't have children before she passed, and sometimes I think that's another tragedy.

Anyway, sometimes I think about adopting from Turkey (even though 2003 was the last time they had immigrant visas issued - 3 that year to be exact). I want that connection to Aysegul. It's not very feasible, it would be damned difficult to complete an adoption, and I would have to live in Turkey for a year. The irony is that I could probably arrange a private adoption, but it's possible that if I did that the child wouldn't be eligible for a U.S. visa. ugh!

Good grief! Why can't it be easy?

Turkey isn't my answer. Guatemala seems to be disappearing from my answers. Does that mean I'm just not going to be a mom?

Okay, okay!

2007-02-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

Several people have asked what's going on even though I'm on pause.

Let's see....

February is always a touch-and-go month for me. After surviving the Valentine's Day blues, I also deal with living through Feb. 21. I lost one of my closest friends to this horrifyingly awful disease called Primary Pulmonary Hypertension (PPH). The first few years after she died I just cried all day. Now I take the day off work and do whatever makes me happy.

Yesterday I got a manicure/pedicure and felt really pampered. I met a guy friend and we stayed at my favorite restaurant Oregano's for little over four hours. Then I went to an art show and spent some of my savings. Why did I buy an original Dina Farris Appel art piece instead of saving my money for a rainy day? Because every February 21 I live my life as if I'm not waking up the next day. My one sort-of regret from the day was that I didn't spend the rest of the day with my guy friend. He's a good kisser so he might be good at other things too.

I am self-employed, and I'm no longer enjoying the work I'm doing at my current client. Instead of b*tching about it here, I'll just say that I'm focused on getting more clients. Ultimately, more clients will create more security. In the meantime, I am trying to build my savings account so I can take care of myself and continue with the adoption if I decide to do that.

Some of the thoughts I've had include

Maybe I'm not meant to be a wife and mom
Maybe I ought to spend my money on remodeling my house
Maybe I ought to travel around the world
Maybe it isn't the right time to adopt
Maybe it will never be the right time to adopt
Maybe I should try to get pregnant the old-fashioned way and avoid all this BS paperwork
Maybe it's too much to do this on my own
Maybe I need to wait a little while longer so that I have more financial security to provide

This morning I heard a very interesting set of questions. When you're faced with making a decision on doing something, ask yourself: Will it make me money? Will it make me happy? If the answer to both question is NO, do something else.

What I'm doing during the day makes me money and doesn't make me happy.

Tomorrow I'm headed to Las Vegas with some girlfriends. Since I've never been to Vegas, it ought to be interesting!

Still on pause

2007-02-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

For those kind and loving people in my life....

My adoption plan is still on pause. I don't know when I'll hit "play" again.

Just wanted you to know if you've been checking here for updates.....

Please consider signing this petition

2007-01-31T20:28:00.000-07:00

Although I feel like I'm in a waiting place at the moment, I still care what will happen to the children of Guatemala when the US implements the Hague regulations.

What grieves me is that the U.S. government and UNICEF are asking Guatemala to do what we are not doing in the U.S. They want private adoptions stopped in Guatemala, but are willing to allow them to continue in the States.

My sense of fairness says, "no way!" You can't have two sets of rules governing adoption. It is hypocritical of our government to push Guatemala's government to stop private adoptions.

UNICEF is advocating that children not be allowed to be adopted unless it can be proven that no family in the country will adopt them. That essentially stops adoptions from happening.

Families Without Borders has taken the time to explain the details and provide a link to an online petition condemning UNICEF's position. Please take the time to visit their site and consider signing the petition. My signature is #7827

No coincidences

2007-01-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

As I live, I have a few principles that I believe to the very core of my being.

What goes around, comes around (the modern version of "Do unto others as you would have done to you")

Everything happens for a reason! There are no coincidences - there is a purpose to every person's life and everything that happens during that life

You only have today so live life fully in the moment!

Why focus on the negative when it's so much easier to feel positive? (aka "My glass is half-full... make that 75% full!)

Last week I started thinking about a different country mostly because I felt like I needed to have a contingency plan if something went wrong with Guatemala. There are a lot of reasons why I ought to stick with Guatemala. There are a few reasons to reconsider my country choice.

Friday during the book sharing time, my friend was sharing her book Cross Cultural Adoption and she opened the book randomly in the country section: The country was Kazakhstan

The woman who hosted Friday's event has families traveling to Kazakhstan this week. She is familiar with Guatemala and Kazakhstan. Just talking with her helped answer some questions in favor of Guatemala and she also provided positive comments about Kazakhstan.

This morning I read a post from Arizona Adoptive Families group. The woman is getting ready to travel to... Kazakhstan

Something isn't quite settled inside me now. I don't know what that means. I do know that I will give it some time to settle.

That's another core belief: Listen to your insides because your heart knows what's best for you!

Mom's Night Out

2007-01-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

Friday night I met some amazing, wonderful, fun, and friendly women. It was Mom's Night Out event for Arizona Adoptive Families. I love the diversity of the group. We have people who have adopted domestically, internationally, transracial, multi-cultural, one child, sibling groups, closed/open/semi-open, etc. One woman has 8 children under the age of 15 and she home schools! I met another single mom - loved that!

Our nametags had our name and country where we adopted. Being a waiting parent, I put ??? on my nametag. With some of the turmoil I felt last week, I especially appreciated the support of this group. I talked with people about the two countries I'm considering and it helped.

After we enjoyed potluck dinner, we shared our favorite adoption books. Some people shared childrens books and some shared adult books. If I tried to read all these books, I'd be busy all day long for several months. I'm sure I will read some of the books eventually.

I'm just thankful that I have a community of like-minded women!

Guatemala, birth, alternatives

2007-01-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a great email from my friend in St. Louis. Her friend is adopting from Guatemala and just returned from her visit trip. She sent a short description of the trip and pictures of her friend's daughter. What a beautiful girl!

It was a timely email since I feel a little bit like I got tossed back into the "decisions, decisions" thought process.

Given the potential uncertainty with Guatemalan adoptions, my case manager suggested I have a second country in mind "just in case". My agency works with seven countries so I have some options. After the conversation with my mom yesterday morning, I feel like I could consider a birth child.

But here's the thing....

As a single woman, I believe I prefer adoption to birth.

Yes, I admit that I'd love to experience pregnancy. However, anytime I visualize myself as being pregnant - there's always a guy who loves me in the vision. It's a natural conception (wink) with lots of love, happiness, joy, laughter, etc. I used to tell Mr. Almost-Not-Quite that I wanted our babies to have my hair and his eyes.

Alternatives.... I like saying I have an alternative country in mind instead of a second country.

My alternative may be Kazakhstan.

Go figure!

2007-01-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

This morning my mom relates a story that makes me laugh!

It seems that one of my parents' friends let it slip that I was adopting when they were all together on Monday. One guy says, "why doesn't she just get pregnant?" Another guy chimes in with "that would be a lot cheaper" and his wife says, "at least, then you'd know half the biology."

My mom says it's because of my dad. Then she says, "I think your dad is going to get some ribbing the next time we're all together."

LOL LOL LOL some more....

After she makes this comment, I remind my mom of past discussions. Months ago my mom made it clear that she AND my dad could support an adoption, but they really weren't comfortable with a pregnancy. I suppose a physically pregnant unmarried daughter was a problem for my conservative parents.

When I remind her (it was not a one-time discussion, it was multiple discussions over many months), she says, "well, a baby is a baby. Your dad is worried about you handling all this responsibility on your own."

Now, honestly, I'm not sure if it's my mom or my dad or both who would be less than thrilled with a physically pregnant daughter.

It's made me think about it again though.... do I want to stop all this legal poking & prying and be pregnant physically? Would that really be easier?

If I got pregnant physically, who would rub my feet when I'm tired? Who would take care of my cats' litterbox? Who would pick up my clothes from the floor if I'm too big to bend over and pick them up? Who would I trust enough to be in the delivery room with me?

I will think about it some more... but I'm fairly certain that I am doing what I'm intended to do.

Arizona Adoptive Families group

2007-01-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I attended the quarterly board meeting for the Arizona Adoptive Families group. It was an interesting group of like-minded individuals who chose adoption to create their families.

I suggested that we create an information packet for our school districts. It seems that several families have been facing unusual situations. One daughter experienced some teasing and bullying related to her family (as in "where are your real parents?").

One family received a flier from their child's school that explained gifts are "required" to finalize an international adoption for one of the school's families and then listed items like a Phoenix Suns sweatshirt, make-up from Clinique, and $3000 in cash [I'm not even going to talk about the content of the flier or how much damage I feel like that family could be creating with such a poorly worded flier] .

In both instances, the adults were asking for advice from the group about how to communicate to the school leaders. After all, this flier couldn't have been sent to the entire school without someone's permission or approval. And, the school leaders are responsible for the environment they foster in their schools.

What I suggested was that we pull information together to create a resource for our parents and our schools. There is a strong need for our schools to understand appropriate adoption language and to understand how some of their current homework assignments could cause problems for an adoptive family. For example, I remember a biology class assignment about genetics in which I had to draw my family tree documenting certain physical characteristics. [I'm embarrassed to admit that I never asked my friend who is adopted how she completed the assignment. I didn't want to ask because it didn't matter to me that she is adopted and I didn't want her to feel weird because I asked.]

The board readily agreed with what I suggested. I'm asking for volunteers to gather materials. I'm also going to suggest that we contact the school administrators in late spring to be put on the calendars for the coming year's teacher workshops.

On my soapbox!

2007-01-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

I am part of the Arizona Adoptive Families group and look forward to the email digest each morning. This morning I read someone's post about potentially being interviewed by the local newspaper for an article about adoption to be published in November. The reporter wants to speak with adoptive parents.

I decided to respond. It took a HUGE amount of courage to send something because I had to express that I am a single woman choosing to be a mom.

When I first joined this group and introduced myself, a woman chose to use my introduction as a platform for discussing her views on singles, parenting, adoption, etc. She has been involved in adoption for many years as an "expert" and as an adoptive parent. I use the quotes because I'm sure she has a lot of knowledge; she's just not tactful in expressing her opinions.

Her behavior made it more difficult for me to be involved with this group. But, today I decided to act differently.

So, here's what I sent to the group:

I am a waiting parent who is choosing to be a single mom.

I am at the beginning of my journey. I don't know if my baby girl will be home from Guatemala by Novemeber. With all the uncertainty with Guatemala and the Hague treaty, I am trusting that everything will work out for the best no matter what the outcome.

If the reporter is interested in talking with someone still pursuing an adoption from Guatemala in face of adoptions potentially being stopped by our government or theirs, I am willing to be interviewed.

My motivation: I want people to know there are thousands of babies at risk if a compromise isn't found. Guatemala was second only to China in number of adoptions last year. 4,135 children from Guatemala were placed in 2006.

Unlike China, there are no orphanages or state facilities to take care of the children if adoptions are stopped.

I will get off my soapbox for now.

Thanks for listening.

I will let you know what happens.

It's going to take as long as it takes

2007-01-17T14:51:00.000-07:00

Today I talked with my case manager at my agency. She seems to be a fun, optimistic person who wants her families to be prepared for anything. I trust her judgement and appreciate her honesty during today's conversation.

One of the first things she said that really struck home: "You should guard your heart through this process because your child is only your child when you're on the plane going home."

When we talked about the Hague treaty situation, she was cautious with her words. She said that the US decision to honor any adoption in process as long as the I-600A form is filed is only half the equation. She is unsure how Guatemala will react if/when the US starts following the Hague requirements. She said I need to proceed with caution and be prepared for anything. Talking about the worst case scenarios helps me manage my expectations.

What that means is that she's encouraging her families to do everything they can as quickly as they can. She also asked me to have a second country in mind in case Guatemala is closed (that's adoption-speak for "we are no longer able to help you adopt children from that country")

My initial reaction is feeling more pressured to have all the money earlier than I planned and do everything "yesterday". I realize I can also evaluate if there's another country. Or, keep going at my pace and trust everything will fall into place.

For now, I am choosing option 3: keep going at my pace and trust everything will fall into place.

I told my case manager today that I have stopped thinking about a timetable. I realized that I didn't want to hope for my baby to be home by a certain date or holiday because I didn't want to be disappointed. It's going to take as long as it takes.

Good vibes for Social Worker

2007-01-15T21:18:00.000-07:00

Since my agency isn't located in Arizona, I have to find a local social worker (SW) to do my homestudy. I asked the Arizona Adoptive Families (AAF) group for referrals, and a woman who is in the process of adopting a beautiful baby boy from Guatemala responded to my posting. Actually, two people from AAF responded so I'm going to contact both referrals.

I emailed the first social worker today. She's already responded, and she has actually done a homestudy for my agency in the past. It was for a Russian adoption - not Guatemala.

The GREAT news is that if she's done a homestudy in the past that means she's already signed all the inter-agency forms, etc. That might mean she can complete the homestudy sooner.

I'm supposed to call her this week.

Home study prep / Male role model

2007-01-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

I love my agency's planner! It is thoroughly detailed and explains each step of the process.

Today I was reading the information related to the Home Study (next action after filing my I-600A form). The information in my planner is tailored towards what Guatemala wants to see in my homestudy. Total of 25 topics are covered in the homestudy.

The last topic is specifically for single women adopting from Guatemala, and that paragraph threw me for a loop. It is about male role models.

I have thought about male role models for my daughter. I believe she needs male role models in her life. However, Guatemala asks me to designate a primary male role model.

It is required that one primary male role model/male figure be identified. Include details about this man such as his occupation, the qualities that make him appropriate for this role, and what his involvement with the family and child will be like.

hmm..... let's see....

I believe my brother would be great, but he lives in St. Louis. Although he isn't thrilled that I'm going to be a single mom, I know he will be fabulous with my daughter. He's amazing with his godchildren, and I trust him to be there for her.

Won't it seem odd that the man I prefer to be my daughter's role model doesn't live near us?

Do I need to think about someone else because of physical proximity? A couple of my guy friends already see themselves as male role models for her. However, I'm not sure I want to designate either of them as her primary male role model. I don't want them to feel burdened because of my choice to adopt. It isn't their responsibility.

Birth cert here! Yippee!

2007-01-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

Kip from UPS just delivered my birth certificates to me! Yippee! Yahoo! Outstanding!

I answered my door and greeted him with "I'm so excited to see you!" He said, "Let me guess. You're getting ready to travel and you need a passport."

"NOPE! I'm adopting a baby!"

He responded with, "oh wow! That's great!"

I told him that I might be seeing more of him with all the documents I'll be sending/receiving. Before he left, he gave me his personal cell phone in case I can't be home when I'm expecting a signature required package. What a great guy! I promised to use it only in case of emergency. [update: I neglected to mention he's happily married & has three kids so no, I won't be using his cell number for a date. LOL]

Now I get to finish the I-600A form. I will mail it, my birth certificate and $545 check to the lovely federal government.

One more step....

Male reactions, part 2

2007-01-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

When I posted earlier about male reactions, I didn't include the reactions from men I've dated in the past.

One of the first guys I told was my college sweetheart. We have remained friends through the years, and I treasure our friendship. He's been married for years and has five kids! I saw him a few months ago when he was in my town for a training course. While we were enjoying dinner, we talked about my decision to become a single mom... either by birth or adoption. He thinks I'll be a great mom, but he was worried about being a SINGLE mom. He knows how much his wife deals with when he travels, and he was concerned about that.

I also talked with Mr. ANQ (Almost Not Quite) before Christmas to tell him about my plans. That was a more sensitive discussion because I wanted to marry him & have his children. He offered his congratulations and wanted to show support for what I'm doing. He wants the best for me and knows that I'll be a wonderful mother. We're just still in an awkward stage, and we can't seem to talk easily about the personal aspects of our lives. Given how long we have known each other and how much we shared in the past, I hope that we move beyond the awkward stage.

From my perspective, the two most important guys I've dated support my decision. At one time, I could have married either guy and created a life with him. I'm also thankful that I'm single for now.

Spanish lessons

2007-01-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to learn Spanish for years, and "learning Spanish" has been on my perpetual "to do" list. Choosing to adopt from Guatemala is only accelerating my desire to take action now.

Knowing Spanish will help me talk with my child's earliest caregivers. Some people may not choose to stay in touch with their children's foster parents. I know myself well enough to know that I will want to remain in touch with them through the years.

I want to create a bilingual home, and Spanish seems like a natural fit in today's society. Living in Phoenix will provide lots of opportunities for me to practice my language skills.

I've been researching ways to learn Spanish as an adult. No program seemed to be a good fit for me. University conversational Spanish classes seemed to take too long. One company offers small group learning but it's based on their curriculum and schedule.

Nothing felt right until today when I spoke with Debisu Hyde from Thunderbird. They provide a customized, individual instruction program that just might be perfect for me.

She asked why I was interested in learning Spanish. I explained that I have dual purposes for learning. I know being bilingual in Spanish provides more business opportunities for me. I also told her about my adoption plan. She was thrilled for me, and we ended up talking for almost 30 minutes. She was a single parent for 8 years and knows the ups & downs of being a single mom.

What a blessing she was! Her warmth and encouragement felt sincere and affirming. When we hung up after our conversation, I felt like I had made a new friend!

She's sending more info to me via email. I can't wait to get it!

Male reactions - dating and friends

2007-01-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

Betsy mentioned that it would be interesting to hear about reactions of guys when I tell them I'm adopting. My guy friends have definitely reacted differently than "potential date" guys.

Guy friends are pretty much in favor of adoption and believe I'll be a great mom. One guy friend volunteered to be a donor if I wanted to have a baby physically as long as it was a natural conception with lots of practice - LOL

One guy friend thought that adoption was my second choice (as in "I don't want you to settle for a second choice when you really want to be married and have children physically"). I quickly explained to him that I had thought about adoption since I was a kid; now he doesn't see my decision as a second choice at all.

This weekend I had a free four days on an online Christian dating site. I responded to a few emails and mentioned that I was adopting to the guys.

One guy's reply was the classic "why would you do that when you're young & you can still have children of your own?" [so when I adopt, I'm just borrowing her? give me a break!]

Two guys were great.... One's response was "I am excited hearing that you are about to adopt a child from Guatemala. That is one of the most precious and commendable things anyone can do. Giving a child a better life is so praiseworthy! God has a special place in heaven for you! I hope the process goes well for you and my prayer is that it does. Please keep me informed." He works as a counselor in marriage & family therapy so he probably sees a lot of messed up domestic situations.

The other guy emailed, "Wow! Adopting parents are sorely needed. You are an angel."

I'm not an angel, and I am not looking for a special place in heaven. However, I was glad that it wasn't a deterrent. Okay, maybe it was a deterrent for the guy who thinks I ought to have a "child of my own" but that's his problem. He's still emailing me so I prefer to think it isn't a problem at this time.

I am going to have a child of my own - a beautiful, happy, healthy baby girl from Guatemala!

Weirdness and Rightness

2007-01-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today was definitely an odd day! I spent six hours with a client, and we went to a bridal fair. Yep, I can honestly say a bridal fair would have been my last choice for how to spend a Sunday afternoon (especially when the NFL playoffs are underway). But, this client is interested in starting a mobile manicure business (email mobile.manicures@hotmail.com for more info). She wants to do bridal parties, bachelorette parties, showers, etc.

I pretended to be the bride today. For the most part, it was fun. NO ONE asked about the groom or where he was. Some forms had a groom name so I made up one (tee-hee!). When the vendors asked me about a wedding date, I said honestly, "I don't know and I'm not sure" It was easy to tell them that as I get older, the number of bridesmaids and number of guests keeps going down! lol

What was weird? Talking with several of the announcement booth vendors prompted me to consider doing pre-adoption announcements. I got a couple of strange looks when I said I was adopting and was interested in knowing if they did anything other than wedding announcements.

What felt right? Having fun with my client. Helping her get more excited about a new business venture. Thinking about my future wedding because I do believe I'll marry someday.

Honestly, I don't know when I'll date someone exclusively again.... much less feel prepared to marry a man. I'm still not sure that I'm recovered from Mr. ANQ (Almost Not Quite). I'm definitely better off that I didn't continue dating the guy I was seeing a year ago.

This week I connected with some other SAMC (single adoptive moms by choice). Maybe we need to create a club....

Outside of my circle of influence

2007-01-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

I've been looking at the timetable in my planner. It may take 2-4 months for a referral for a baby girl, and it will be another 6-8 months to complete the Guatemala legal process.

Maybe I need to stop thinking she will come home in 2007...

Okay.... (deep breathing)

Those of you who know me well know that I have a saying about managing what is inside my control and letting go of what is outside my control. I love drawing circles in the air around me for what is inside my control...

What is inside my circle I will do with a happy heart. What is outside my control (timing of when she comes home) is outside my circle and I have to let it go.

She will be home when she's home

And away we go!

2007-01-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

My agency received my legal agreement and first payment today. Right after my FedEx email saying the payment was delivered, another email was waiting to be read. The email had a link to my adoption planner with a master checklist, steps to complete, etc.

It's easy to see that I have a lot to do. It's also helpful to have it laid out in order so I can stay focused and on track.

A requirement for submitting the I-600A form is my birth certificate. I have a copy, but I'm not 100% sure it's a copy that the government will accept. I'd rather be safe than delayed so I ordered three more copies of my birth certificate. With any luck at all, it will be here within a week and I can submit the I-600A.

My agency says it takes 3-4 months to process the I-600A. I just want to get it filed as soon as possible because of this looming Hague situation.

FedEx will help create my family

2007-01-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's the logistics that you have to take care of before you can get to the fun stuff!

Several years ago I set up a FedEx account for my business. I didn't use it very much so it went dormant. Today I reactivated it with a little help from Chris in Revenue Services (good grief, what a phrase to use! Reminds me of the IRS)

Anyway, what's important is that I'm all set for lots of future mailings. Good thing since I have my agency agreement and first check ready to go!

Let the fun begin!

My 2007 Wish List

2007-01-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

One of my girlfriends told me that her daughters had given her a magic wand for Christmas. She asked me what I wanted to wish for in 2007 so I told her

I wish for....

a beautiful, happy, healthy baby girl from Guatemala to become my daughter

a fabulous man to fall in love with me, cherish our time together, and love my daughter

more consulting clients than I can handle so that I have a waiting list and a referrals list to send clients to other people

Form I-600A is my next big milestone!

2006-12-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned earlier this week, the U.S. Department of State released this info regarding adoptions from Guatemala. When the U.S. chooses to implement the Hague Convention, it will no longer allow adoptions from Guatemala. The specific wording is:

It is important to note that U.S. law provides for a transition period and that orphan petitions (I-600A) filed with the Department of Homeland Security before the Convention enters into force for the United States will not be subject to the new regulations implementing the Convention.

Marla put my mind and heart at ease because I-600A is the FIRST form. I thought it was the final form so I was a little panicked at getting everything done as soon as possible.

What a relief!

However, I still feel like I need to act quickly. Just like other major life decisions, when I feel peace about moving forward with something, I'm ready to do what I'm led to do. The times I ignored my "urge to act" in the past created untold misery, and the times I acted before I felt peace also produced less-than-great results.

So, I know it's time. I can feel it & I'm excited about it.

Story ideas on Oprah's website

2006-12-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I'm watching Oprah talk with Senator Barack Obama. From what I've heard of him, I respect him. After watching him speak today, I'm even more impressed with how he is in person and with his wife. I know today's show is a repeat episode. What I didn't catch the first time is that his daughter's name is Malia (today's God-wink about her presence in my life!)

Not sure why I felt so compelled today, but I decided to submit a story idea on Oprah's website. I explained that I had always expected to marry and have children. Now I'm choosing to pursue an international adoption, and I'm concerned about the potential uncertainty of what will happen in 2007 with Guatemalan adoptions.

I talked of what I consider to be the U.S. government's hypocritical stance regarding private adoptions in Guatemala. Since most adoptions are relinquishments from birth mothers in private arrangements, the U.S. government is saying it may prevent U.S. citizens from adopting from Guatemala. Unless our government is going to stop private adoptions from occurring in our country, I don't understand why it thinks it can stop adoptions in another country. I realize the nuances of the Hague Convention are more detailed than that, but that is one of the sticky points.

Unlike other countries with international adoption programs, there is NO child welfare system in place. If the children are not adopted, their lives are bleak. Poverty and illiteracy rates in Guatemala are among the worst in the world.

I also suggested Oprah's producers visit guatadopt.com. It's an objective site with information and resources specific to Guatemalan adoption, including a new blog by an adult Guatamalan adoptee Meredith.

Who knows what could happen as a result of the suggestion? I'd like to see some positive news coverage related to international adoption and single women choosing to adopt.

That would be a GREAT result!

Future Monopoly games

2006-12-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

I received the updated "Here & Now" Monopoly game as one of my Christmas gifts. I spent countless hours playing Monopoly as a child. My neighbor Denise had a game and there were times during the summer that we would set up the board in her basement & play for days at a time. We were lucky her parents let us leave the board set up all the time.

After I received the game as a gift, my brothers and I would play for hours at a time. Yes, we had squabbles over the board - "you're cheating!" "Hey, that's not fair!" "Mom, he's not playing nicely!" But, we also had a lot of fun and happy memories.

Tonight my dad, my mom, and brother Leon played with me. It meant a lot to me that we spent time together as a family. As I grow older, it seems like the time with my family grows shorter with every visit. I'm not sure I'd want to live in the same town with them, but it would be fun to live closer and see each other more often.

I am looking forward to future Monopoly games with my daughter and my family. I think we might need to start with the Monopoly Junior game.

Family chats

2006-12-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

Being home with my parents and brothers has created some opportunities to talk about the adoption. I asked my dad if he wanted to be called Grandpa or Papa or something else (I'm hoping he chooses Grandpa). He said he needs some more time to adjust to the idea. I appreciate his honesty, and I'm looking forward to when he tells people on his own.

I told him if he'd feel more comfortable I can stop talking about it. If I wait until the baby arrives, I thought it would be more of a shock to call one day out of the blue to say, "oh, by the way, there's a baby in my house, and I'm keeping her."

Today I talked with my favorite aunt and told her my news. Last year when I was still considering IVF and adoption, I talked with her about it at Thanksgiving. She was excited for me and asked what my mom said when I asked her what she wanted to be called. I think she wanted to be the first person to call my mom "Grandma" :-)

Worrisome situation

2006-12-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

Tonight I spent some time on the Internet and visited guatadopt.com. Unfortunately, I didn't like reading the post about the new information released by U.S. Department of State.

Unless Guatemala introduces different systems for regulating adoption, the U.S. will cease to allow adoptions from Guatemala three months after it enters the Hague Convention. And, the U.S. intends to enter the Convention in 2007.

In a nutshell, I need to get my act together and pursue the activities under my control as aggressively as possible.

Angel in my pocket

2006-12-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

Today I stopped by a little shop in my parents' town. It's called Gifts From the Heart. I was looking for a little box or decorative bag for my mom's present. While I was browsing, I found this adorable tiny pewter angel for the mom-to-be.

The card explains "this little guardian angel was sent from up above to help you cope with any stress till you hold your bundle of love. "

I loved it so much that I decided to buy it & keep the pewter angel with me. It is a reminder that everything is happening EXACTLY as it is supposed to happen.

Next step after agency agreement....

2006-12-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to me the questions my friends are asking about my adoption. People seem to know that the process can be long and expensive. Beyond that, they don't know what to expect.

This weekend I explained to some friends that I am at milestone #1 with a lot of milestones in front of me. My experience as a project manager is clearly popping up because I'm thinking about how to identify all the adoption's major milestones. LOL

Seriously, I see the home study as the next "big thing" to do after sending the first half of the agency fee with my legal agreement. I just sent an email request to the Arizona Adoptive Families group to ask about home study providers.

Let's see what kind of suggestions come to me....

Just like the first trimester of pregnancy

2006-12-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

This week I've still told a few people about the adoption plan. But, I am also feeling similar to how my friends felt during their first trimesters.

I'm excited, nervous, happy, and paranoid. I'm afraid that something will go wrong and there won't be a baby.

My mom used to say that crackers helped settle her stomach when she had morning sickness.

Wish I knew what could help settle my nerves....

Timing is everything

2006-12-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about why I am waiting to send the agency agreement and money until after the holidays. It reminds me of when I moved to Phoenix from St. Louis.

When I was in transition from St. Louis to Phoenix, most people didn't understand that I was waiting on peace from God. I requested and received approval to transfer offices with my employer almost immediately. I even flew to Phoenix to look at houses, and nothing felt right.

I asked for the transfer to be effective after I sold my home in St. Louis. I had absolutely NO peace about putting the condo on the market. I stayed in a place of waiting for SEVEN long months! yes, I said months!

I was ready to go! I knew I was moving. I told everybody I was moving. Of course, after awhile some friends didn't believe I was moving because I had done nothing to sell the condo. I saw my realtor at a wedding in May 2000 and told her I was moving. I said I wasn't sure when.

Then, I woke up one morning in June and knew I could do something. I flew out in July to look at houses even though I knew exactly how $&#* hot it is in Phoenix in July. The house I found had been on the market for 6 days, and my contract was accepted without even listing my condo in St. Louis.

When my plane landed in St. Louis, I had a voicemail from my realtor in St. Louis. A young couple had missed out on buying a condo in the complex where I lived that weekend. She knew it was a longshot, but was there any possibility I was still moving to Phoenix? Within 24 hours I had a contract in hand for my condo, selling it a healthy profit and with absolute peace in my heart.

What I learned from that experience is to pay attention to how I feel. Sometimes my readiness is only half the solution. The other people have to be ready also for it to be perfect. Living in my house in Phoenix has been perfect in a lot of ways.

God knew what He was doing then, and a child is even more important than a house. I'm trusting He is in control of my adoption (that's what my agency says also).

It's okay that I'm waiting until after the holidays to send the agency agreement and first deposit. After all, maybe my Baby Girl hasn't even been conceived yet.

In the midst of the flu

2006-12-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday I woke up with the flu - fever, hot & cold chills, throwing up, headache. Basically, I was miserable!

While concentrating on keeping dry Cheerios in my stomach, I was thinking about a year from now. What happens after Baby Girl arrives? I was in no condition to take care of me, much less a baby. Who will I call to take care of Baby Girl?

I have to move the extra phone back into my bedroom and re-evaluate who is on my speed dial. As part of my recuperating process from a broken heart, I had deliberately moved the phone out of my bedroom two years ago. Its presence had reminded me of his calls and how delighted I was when the phone rang late at night.

Now the phone in my bedroom will have a different purpose..... I have to be able to call someone to take care of the baby.

Yes, it seems simple.... but I'm recognizing that nothing is simple when you're a single mom.

Another God-wink!

2006-12-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

The story of James & Kati Kim really touched my heart this week. A couple and their two girls were missing in snow in Oregon since the Thanksgiving holiday. Kati & her daughters were found safe & alive at the beginning of the week, and James was found dead after leaving the family car for help.

No one will ever understand why something like this happens ~ the easiest way to explain it is that he had done everything he was intended to do on this earth. At the end of today's article, I got chillbumps (aka vibrating skin)

A few blocks away, a sign outside Church Street Apothecary, one of the Kims' two boutiques, read: "We will be closed for a few days. Please respect our privacy."

Below the sign, scores of flowers, cards and candles conveyed warm wishes from neighbors.

"Your dad is a hero. Your dad is a great, kind man. He will always love you very much," said a handmade card written in a child's scrawl, signed by "Malia."

I've started calling the baby Malia (Hawaiian for Marie - my grandma's name). To see this online today felt like a confirmation that she exists and we'll be together when it's time.

When in doubt

2006-12-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

Last night I was feeling overwhelmed. I was worrying over the dollars and the timing. By the time I stopped myself, I was already feeling a little panicky.

Before going to bed, I read a page from Alan Cohen's book A Deep Breath of Life and it was PERFECT to address how I was feeling. The book is designed to read one entry each day, and the entry for December 8 is titled "All Taken Care of"

"The universe provides for all our needs if we trust it. The God that created countless stars and fathomless seas is able to create abundance for us to the extent we require it. Our job is to listen to our guidance and trust."

Reading those words gave me comfort and peace. I allow God to provide everything I need when I need it ~ especially with regard to my adoption.

After spending some time in meditation and prayer last night, I am going to wait a few weeks to mail the agency agreement and initial questionnaire forms. For whatever reason I feel more peace waiting until after the holidays.

I'm trusting that there is a reason to wait a few weeks, and I'm willing to wait.

Craigles understands

2006-12-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

A friend from college called me tonight. I don't remember the last time we talked, but I called him a few weeks ago when Ohio State played Michigan. He's a big Ohio State fan, and I don't like Michigan. It makes it easy for me to cheer for Ohio State at least once a year.

He & his wife adopted a darling little boy two years ago. When I told him my news, he was excited to hear that I've submitted the initial application to an agency.

What I appreciated most from our conversation was his advice on saying NO if necessary. He reminded me that I'm the one who decides and it's permissible for me to say no to the agency, to friends, to whoever needs to be told.

He & his wife said no to some children for various reasons before being blessed with Owen. They were actually in the delivery room with Owen's birth mom and cut the umbilical cord. Wow!

Before we hung up, he told me that I can call him & Barb anytime. They know what kind of rollercoaster I'm on. It's good to know I'm not alone on the rollercoaster.

[Craigles was my special nickname for him when we were in college. Even if he doesn't appreciate my public use of his name, I'm sure he'll smile & show off his dimples if he reads this post!]

Since I was 9 1/2

2006-12-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my orientation call with the adoption agency. The first question she asked me was if I had been thinking about this for awhile or if it was a sudden decision.

I told her about the book I read when I was 9 1/2. My mom received the Reader's Digest condensed books, and I would read the novels that interested me.

They Came to Stay is about a single woman adopting two daughters - one from Korea and one from Vietnam. She had worked as a journalist covering the plight of Amerasian children (American dads serving in the Vietnam War).

At the time I read it, I was fascinated by the story and thought about the little girls a lot. I wondered what their lives were like and how they changed. I remember reading the "About the Author" and was thrilled to know that she had married after adopting both girls. It felt like she had created a great family!

Several years ago my aunt found the book for me. Marjorie Margolies was in her early 20's when her story began! All these years I thought of her as an adult (being 9 1/2, I'm sure it did feel like she was a grown-up and knew what she was doing).

Now I wonder if my insides have always known I would adopt, and the rest of me just had to catch up.

2nd Annual Mother's Tea

2006-12-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today I attended the 2nd Annual Mother's Tea with Arizona Adoptive Families. Seven moms attended, and it felt GREAT to talk about adoption, my plans, their children, etc.

It is amazing to feel a connection with people you've just met. They have already completed the journey I'm starting. One mom is currently waiting for her second match, and I loved hearing about her son (domestic adoption).

I felt accepted for who I am and the choice I made.

I am an expectant mom.

How wonderful to know that next year I may have pictures to share around the table.

Alicia, Robyn, Lucinda, Sarah

Just like Michelle

2006-12-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have been pointing fingers at Madonna recently for her high-profile adoption. The media seems to forget that adoption has been around a lot longer than Madonna.

Years ago a young woman in Hollywood made a decision that I always remembered. At the time, I admired her courage and wondered if I would do the same thing.

Michelle Pfeiffer chose to adopt Claudia Rose as a single mom. Of course, she met David Kelley on a blind date two weeks after starting the adoption process.

From a website about Michelle: "Pfeiffer calls her daughter "an angel" who turned her life around. In a way, she credits the child with bringing her and David together. She says it allowed them to see one another the way people often wonder about each other: how will the relationship change when children become involved, and what kind of a parent will he/she be?"

Wow!

I want to be just like Michelle.... Adopt a beautiful baby girl, fall in love with a fabulous man, and live our lives together in laughter, love, happiness & health

What do I say? When do I say something?

2006-12-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

This week is probably the first of many "rollercoaster" weeks. I feel elated to have decided and started the paperwork. I also feel overwhelmed at the responsibility of being a single parent.

As I work during the day, I feel like I have a BIG, GIGANTIC SECRET! I told the two women with whom I work most closely. Last year when I first started thinking about being a single mom, they listened and offered opinions. Now that I'm moving forward, it's great to hear their congratulations, and I appreciate their support.

So, now I'm trying to decide when it's okay to tell people.

What do I tell them?

I haven't completed my homestudy yet, and there's a ton of federal paperwork. Do I tell people after the homestudy is done? when the federal paperwork is done? when I submit everything to Guatemala for approval?

Part of me wants to tell everyone NOW! Part of me wants to wait because what if something goes wrong.