First reply! Oh joy!

I am forever grateful that the first reply from a Agency family is positive! Not one word of judgement that I'm single or I don't know what I'm doing.

Thank you!

Thank you from my heart for taking the time to respond.

I vow to share my story in the future. When I have my daughter with me, I know I will gladly answer any questions at any time.

I am reminded of the quote on the bottom of Marla's emails: "We go through what we go through to help others go through what we went through"

Courage to contact the families

I have always felt that 14 was my lucky number. Is it any wonder that I chose today to contact the references for Agency?

I draft an email. I tweak it. I decide that I can send it. After all, it's just information. It isn't committing me to this agency. It's just another step in the journey. That's all. Just a baby step.

After I send the first email to the single woman reference, I look at the other names. Suddenly, I'm compelled to contact all of them! My fingers fly over the keys and I have sent request after request after request. My rationale is that someone might not get the email or someone might be busy or someone might be too busy.

Nine requests.... nine familes who know I'm considering Agency.

Holding the Agency Adoption Packet!

My skin vibrates (aka goosebumps) when I see the mail. The Agency packet has arrived!

I can't think straight. Why do I suddenly feel so nervous? It's just information. It's going to tell me how much money I need to make this dream of being a mom become real. It's going to list hundreds of papers and documents.

It isn't going to have any magical answers in it. I'm not going to open this packet and read, "Lucinda, God has ordained you to adopt from this agency on this date in time."

But, I still tremble when I open the packet.

Now I have to read every word. Every word is precious. Every word brings me closer to her.

Sharing my info

Marla asks me to contact a friend who is considering Guatemala for adoption. She knows that I have more info on Guatemala than she has. She adopted her daughter from China and her son from Korea. She has listened, encouraged me, and went with me to the first orientation session.

I am humbled to think that I now have more info on Guatemala than a woman who helped me decide adoption is my path.

I am honored to email this woman. After all, we're all on the same journey to create our families. I'm just a step ahead.

I send a lengthy email with everything I can think of. I share guatadopt.com with her. I share website info on a few agencies that I think are a cut above the other ones.

When I hit send, I keep thinking about Beth's friend of a friend. Finally, I decide that I have to pay attention to my little voice. I send an email to Beth with the same info. I tell her I realize I'm being forward, but I keep thinking about this friend of her friend. I ask her to forward the Guatemala adoption information to her friend to forward to her friend. (goodness, it feels like a game of Telephone!)

Now I feel peace over helping someone else on their journeys. That's a good feeling.

Celebrating a First Birthday!

My friend Beth adopted a beautiful baby girl domestically. Today was her first birthday party, and it was more fun than I anticipated.

It's always unnerving for me to go somewhere alone. I know someday I will get over it, but for now, it's still scary. I hadn't met her husband before. I only knew one mutual friend, and I hadn't confirmed that she'd be there with her family. It took a lot for me to get in the car and drive to the park for the party.

Wow! Before I even found our mutual friend, some people are chatting with me about Purdue football. Thank God, I'm feeling more comfortable.

Watching the children play is wonderful. There are different cultures and a mix of families. I am feeling more comfortable every moment. I am feeling like I really could have the opportunity to celebrate MY child's first birthday instead of feeling like I'm on the outside looking in.

While we're eating lunch, I sit across from a couple who have known Beth & her husband for a long time. We get to talking about adoption. Soon, I'm telling this wonderful couple all about Guatemala and its adoption program. She has a friend from Guatemala who is single and may be thinking about adoption.

Now I feel like God sent me to the birthday party to make that connection.

Help, Need Feedback, Help

Now that I'm requesting an info packet... I'm panicking

Get another opinion! This is a major decision. This is a big deal. This is your family. This is the rest of your life.

I immediately send email to my closest and dearest friends with a link to the website.

"I have been researching adoption programs to adopt from Guatemala. I am getting more information from this agency. I appreciate the support you have offered for me and I am interested in your opinion. Since some of you have adopted, do you see anything on the website that would make you uncomfortable? Any red flags?"

Just sending the email calms me down. These are people I trust and they can help me.

Request for Another Info Packet

After another round of online searching, I see Christian World Adoption listed on guatadopt.com and I visit the website. I'm not 100% sure I need a Christian agency, but it's worth a look.

Wow! Something feels really familiar when I visit the site. Have I been on it before?

The Executive Director's name rings a bell. Tomilee Harding.... that really does sound familiar and it's an unusual first name (like mine)

Then I remember... I checked out this agency when I was considering an adoption from Bulgaria in 1999. I remember being disappointed that they didn't have a program for Bulgaria because I liked a lot of other things about them.

Yes, I'll request an information packet.

Isn't it funny how you see things differently when you reconsider where your child might be?