Still distressed

It's distressing me greatly that I can't seem to come to a quick resolution about what I'm doing and when I'm doing it.

The Department of State has released another statement about Guatemala that "strongly cautions" potential adoptive parents to "carefully consider their options at this time." It seems that they have been catching some unscrupulous people doing bad things in the name of adoption. Rather than go into the details here, you can read the short statement online.

This weekend I talked with a friend in Istanbul, Turkey. When I think about visiting Turkey, I remember talking with my friend Aysegul about how we were going to be friends forever. We were going to marry guys who liked each other because we were going to spend our summers together on Burgaz (island in Marmara Sea off coast of Istanbul). I thought about our children growing up together. She didn't have children before she passed, and sometimes I think that's another tragedy.

Anyway, sometimes I think about adopting from Turkey (even though 2003 was the last time they had immigrant visas issued - 3 that year to be exact). I want that connection to Aysegul. It's not very feasible, it would be damned difficult to complete an adoption, and I would have to live in Turkey for a year. The irony is that I could probably arrange a private adoption, but it's possible that if I did that the child wouldn't be eligible for a U.S. visa. ugh!

Good grief! Why can't it be easy?

Turkey isn't my answer. Guatemala seems to be disappearing from my answers. Does that mean I'm just not going to be a mom?