Please consider signing this petition

Although I feel like I'm in a waiting place at the moment, I still care what will happen to the children of Guatemala when the US implements the Hague regulations.

What grieves me is that the U.S. government and UNICEF are asking Guatemala to do what we are not doing in the U.S. They want private adoptions stopped in Guatemala, but are willing to allow them to continue in the States.

My sense of fairness says, "no way!" You can't have two sets of rules governing adoption. It is hypocritical of our government to push Guatemala's government to stop private adoptions.

UNICEF is advocating that children not be allowed to be adopted unless it can be proven that no family in the country will adopt them. That essentially stops adoptions from happening.

Families Without Borders has taken the time to explain the details and provide a link to an online petition condemning UNICEF's position. Please take the time to visit their site and consider signing the petition. My signature is #7827

No coincidences

As I live, I have a few principles that I believe to the very core of my being.

What goes around, comes around (the modern version of "Do unto others as you would have done to you")

Everything happens for a reason! There are no coincidences - there is a purpose to every person's life and everything that happens during that life

You only have today so live life fully in the moment!

Why focus on the negative when it's so much easier to feel positive? (aka "My glass is half-full... make that 75% full!)

Last week I started thinking about a different country mostly because I felt like I needed to have a contingency plan if something went wrong with Guatemala. There are a lot of reasons why I ought to stick with Guatemala. There are a few reasons to reconsider my country choice.

Friday during the book sharing time, my friend was sharing her book Cross Cultural Adoption and she opened the book randomly in the country section: The country was Kazakhstan

The woman who hosted Friday's event has families traveling to Kazakhstan this week. She is familiar with Guatemala and Kazakhstan. Just talking with her helped answer some questions in favor of Guatemala and she also provided positive comments about Kazakhstan.

This morning I read a post from Arizona Adoptive Families group. The woman is getting ready to travel to... Kazakhstan

Something isn't quite settled inside me now. I don't know what that means. I do know that I will give it some time to settle.

That's another core belief: Listen to your insides because your heart knows what's best for you!

Mom's Night Out

Friday night I met some amazing, wonderful, fun, and friendly women. It was Mom's Night Out event for Arizona Adoptive Families. I love the diversity of the group. We have people who have adopted domestically, internationally, transracial, multi-cultural, one child, sibling groups, closed/open/semi-open, etc. One woman has 8 children under the age of 15 and she home schools! I met another single mom - loved that!

Our nametags had our name and country where we adopted. Being a waiting parent, I put ??? on my nametag. With some of the turmoil I felt last week, I especially appreciated the support of this group. I talked with people about the two countries I'm considering and it helped.

After we enjoyed potluck dinner, we shared our favorite adoption books. Some people shared childrens books and some shared adult books. If I tried to read all these books, I'd be busy all day long for several months. I'm sure I will read some of the books eventually.

I'm just thankful that I have a community of like-minded women!

Guatemala, birth, alternatives

This morning I had a great email from my friend in St. Louis. Her friend is adopting from Guatemala and just returned from her visit trip. She sent a short description of the trip and pictures of her friend's daughter. What a beautiful girl!

It was a timely email since I feel a little bit like I got tossed back into the "decisions, decisions" thought process.

Given the potential uncertainty with Guatemalan adoptions, my case manager suggested I have a second country in mind "just in case". My agency works with seven countries so I have some options. After the conversation with my mom yesterday morning, I feel like I could consider a birth child.

But here's the thing....

As a single woman, I believe I prefer adoption to birth.

Yes, I admit that I'd love to experience pregnancy. However, anytime I visualize myself as being pregnant - there's always a guy who loves me in the vision. It's a natural conception (wink) with lots of love, happiness, joy, laughter, etc. I used to tell Mr. Almost-Not-Quite that I wanted our babies to have my hair and his eyes.

Alternatives.... I like saying I have an alternative country in mind instead of a second country.

My alternative may be Kazakhstan.

Go figure!

This morning my mom relates a story that makes me laugh!

It seems that one of my parents' friends let it slip that I was adopting when they were all together on Monday. One guy says, "why doesn't she just get pregnant?" Another guy chimes in with "that would be a lot cheaper" and his wife says, "at least, then you'd know half the biology."

My mom says it's because of my dad. Then she says, "I think your dad is going to get some ribbing the next time we're all together."

LOL LOL LOL some more....

After she makes this comment, I remind my mom of past discussions. Months ago my mom made it clear that she AND my dad could support an adoption, but they really weren't comfortable with a pregnancy. I suppose a physically pregnant unmarried daughter was a problem for my conservative parents.

When I remind her (it was not a one-time discussion, it was multiple discussions over many months), she says, "well, a baby is a baby. Your dad is worried about you handling all this responsibility on your own."

Now, honestly, I'm not sure if it's my mom or my dad or both who would be less than thrilled with a physically pregnant daughter.

It's made me think about it again though.... do I want to stop all this legal poking & prying and be pregnant physically? Would that really be easier?

If I got pregnant physically, who would rub my feet when I'm tired? Who would take care of my cats' litterbox? Who would pick up my clothes from the floor if I'm too big to bend over and pick them up? Who would I trust enough to be in the delivery room with me?

I will think about it some more... but I'm fairly certain that I am doing what I'm intended to do.

Arizona Adoptive Families group

Last night I attended the quarterly board meeting for the Arizona Adoptive Families group. It was an interesting group of like-minded individuals who chose adoption to create their families.

I suggested that we create an information packet for our school districts. It seems that several families have been facing unusual situations. One daughter experienced some teasing and bullying related to her family (as in "where are your real parents?").

One family received a flier from their child's school that explained gifts are "required" to finalize an international adoption for one of the school's families and then listed items like a Phoenix Suns sweatshirt, make-up from Clinique, and $3000 in cash [I'm not even going to talk about the content of the flier or how much damage I feel like that family could be creating with such a poorly worded flier] .

In both instances, the adults were asking for advice from the group about how to communicate to the school leaders. After all, this flier couldn't have been sent to the entire school without someone's permission or approval. And, the school leaders are responsible for the environment they foster in their schools.

What I suggested was that we pull information together to create a resource for our parents and our schools. There is a strong need for our schools to understand appropriate adoption language and to understand how some of their current homework assignments could cause problems for an adoptive family. For example, I remember a biology class assignment about genetics in which I had to draw my family tree documenting certain physical characteristics. [I'm embarrassed to admit that I never asked my friend who is adopted how she completed the assignment. I didn't want to ask because it didn't matter to me that she is adopted and I didn't want her to feel weird because I asked.]

The board readily agreed with what I suggested. I'm asking for volunteers to gather materials. I'm also going to suggest that we contact the school administrators in late spring to be put on the calendars for the coming year's teacher workshops.

On my soapbox!

I am part of the Arizona Adoptive Families group and look forward to the email digest each morning. This morning I read someone's post about potentially being interviewed by the local newspaper for an article about adoption to be published in November. The reporter wants to speak with adoptive parents.

I decided to respond. It took a HUGE amount of courage to send something because I had to express that I am a single woman choosing to be a mom.

When I first joined this group and introduced myself, a woman chose to use my introduction as a platform for discussing her views on singles, parenting, adoption, etc. She has been involved in adoption for many years as an "expert" and as an adoptive parent. I use the quotes because I'm sure she has a lot of knowledge; she's just not tactful in expressing her opinions.

Her behavior made it more difficult for me to be involved with this group. But, today I decided to act differently.

So, here's what I sent to the group:

I am a waiting parent who is choosing to be a single mom.

I am at the beginning of my journey. I don't know if my baby girl will be home from Guatemala by Novemeber. With all the uncertainty with Guatemala and the Hague treaty, I am trusting that everything will work out for the best no matter what the outcome.

If the reporter is interested in talking with someone still pursuing an adoption from Guatemala in face of adoptions potentially being stopped by our government or theirs, I am willing to be interviewed.

My motivation: I want people to know there are thousands of babies at risk if a compromise isn't found. Guatemala was second only to China in number of adoptions last year. 4,135 children from Guatemala were placed in 2006.

Unlike China, there are no orphanages or state facilities to take care of the children if adoptions are stopped.

I will get off my soapbox for now.

Thanks for listening.

I will let you know what happens.

It's going to take as long as it takes

Today I talked with my case manager at my agency. She seems to be a fun, optimistic person who wants her families to be prepared for anything. I trust her judgement and appreciate her honesty during today's conversation.

One of the first things she said that really struck home: "You should guard your heart through this process because your child is only your child when you're on the plane going home."

When we talked about the Hague treaty situation, she was cautious with her words. She said that the US decision to honor any adoption in process as long as the I-600A form is filed is only half the equation. She is unsure how Guatemala will react if/when the US starts following the Hague requirements. She said I need to proceed with caution and be prepared for anything. Talking about the worst case scenarios helps me manage my expectations.

What that means is that she's encouraging her families to do everything they can as quickly as they can. She also asked me to have a second country in mind in case Guatemala is closed (that's adoption-speak for "we are no longer able to help you adopt children from that country")

My initial reaction is feeling more pressured to have all the money earlier than I planned and do everything "yesterday". I realize I can also evaluate if there's another country. Or, keep going at my pace and trust everything will fall into place.

For now, I am choosing option 3: keep going at my pace and trust everything will fall into place.

I told my case manager today that I have stopped thinking about a timetable. I realized that I didn't want to hope for my baby to be home by a certain date or holiday because I didn't want to be disappointed. It's going to take as long as it takes.

Good vibes for Social Worker

Since my agency isn't located in Arizona, I have to find a local social worker (SW) to do my homestudy. I asked the Arizona Adoptive Families (AAF) group for referrals, and a woman who is in the process of adopting a beautiful baby boy from Guatemala responded to my posting. Actually, two people from AAF responded so I'm going to contact both referrals.

I emailed the first social worker today. She's already responded, and she has actually done a homestudy for my agency in the past. It was for a Russian adoption - not Guatemala.

The GREAT news is that if she's done a homestudy in the past that means she's already signed all the inter-agency forms, etc. That might mean she can complete the homestudy sooner.

I'm supposed to call her this week.

Home study prep / Male role model

I love my agency's planner! It is thoroughly detailed and explains each step of the process.

Today I was reading the information related to the Home Study (next action after filing my I-600A form). The information in my planner is tailored towards what Guatemala wants to see in my homestudy. Total of 25 topics are covered in the homestudy.

The last topic is specifically for single women adopting from Guatemala, and that paragraph threw me for a loop. It is about male role models.

I have thought about male role models for my daughter. I believe she needs male role models in her life. However, Guatemala asks me to designate a primary male role model.

It is required that one primary male role model/male figure be identified. Include details about this man such as his occupation, the qualities that make him appropriate for this role, and what his involvement with the family and child will be like.

hmm..... let's see....

I believe my brother would be great, but he lives in St. Louis. Although he isn't thrilled that I'm going to be a single mom, I know he will be fabulous with my daughter. He's amazing with his godchildren, and I trust him to be there for her.

Won't it seem odd that the man I prefer to be my daughter's role model doesn't live near us?

Do I need to think about someone else because of physical proximity? A couple of my guy friends already see themselves as male role models for her. However, I'm not sure I want to designate either of them as her primary male role model. I don't want them to feel burdened because of my choice to adopt. It isn't their responsibility.

Birth cert here! Yippee!

Kip from UPS just delivered my birth certificates to me! Yippee! Yahoo! Outstanding!

I answered my door and greeted him with "I'm so excited to see you!" He said, "Let me guess. You're getting ready to travel and you need a passport."

"NOPE! I'm adopting a baby!"

He responded with, "oh wow! That's great!"

I told him that I might be seeing more of him with all the documents I'll be sending/receiving. Before he left, he gave me his personal cell phone in case I can't be home when I'm expecting a signature required package. What a great guy! I promised to use it only in case of emergency. [update: I neglected to mention he's happily married & has three kids so no, I won't be using his cell number for a date. LOL]

Now I get to finish the I-600A form. I will mail it, my birth certificate and $545 check to the lovely federal government.

One more step....

Male reactions, part 2

When I posted earlier about male reactions, I didn't include the reactions from men I've dated in the past.

One of the first guys I told was my college sweetheart. We have remained friends through the years, and I treasure our friendship. He's been married for years and has five kids! I saw him a few months ago when he was in my town for a training course. While we were enjoying dinner, we talked about my decision to become a single mom... either by birth or adoption. He thinks I'll be a great mom, but he was worried about being a SINGLE mom. He knows how much his wife deals with when he travels, and he was concerned about that.

I also talked with Mr. ANQ (Almost Not Quite) before Christmas to tell him about my plans. That was a more sensitive discussion because I wanted to marry him & have his children. He offered his congratulations and wanted to show support for what I'm doing. He wants the best for me and knows that I'll be a wonderful mother. We're just still in an awkward stage, and we can't seem to talk easily about the personal aspects of our lives. Given how long we have known each other and how much we shared in the past, I hope that we move beyond the awkward stage.

From my perspective, the two most important guys I've dated support my decision. At one time, I could have married either guy and created a life with him. I'm also thankful that I'm single for now.

Spanish lessons

I've wanted to learn Spanish for years, and "learning Spanish" has been on my perpetual "to do" list. Choosing to adopt from Guatemala is only accelerating my desire to take action now.

Knowing Spanish will help me talk with my child's earliest caregivers. Some people may not choose to stay in touch with their children's foster parents. I know myself well enough to know that I will want to remain in touch with them through the years.

I want to create a bilingual home, and Spanish seems like a natural fit in today's society. Living in Phoenix will provide lots of opportunities for me to practice my language skills.

I've been researching ways to learn Spanish as an adult. No program seemed to be a good fit for me. University conversational Spanish classes seemed to take too long. One company offers small group learning but it's based on their curriculum and schedule.

Nothing felt right until today when I spoke with Debisu Hyde from Thunderbird. They provide a customized, individual instruction program that just might be perfect for me.

She asked why I was interested in learning Spanish. I explained that I have dual purposes for learning. I know being bilingual in Spanish provides more business opportunities for me. I also told her about my adoption plan. She was thrilled for me, and we ended up talking for almost 30 minutes. She was a single parent for 8 years and knows the ups & downs of being a single mom.

What a blessing she was! Her warmth and encouragement felt sincere and affirming. When we hung up after our conversation, I felt like I had made a new friend!

She's sending more info to me via email. I can't wait to get it!

Male reactions - dating and friends

Betsy mentioned that it would be interesting to hear about reactions of guys when I tell them I'm adopting. My guy friends have definitely reacted differently than "potential date" guys.

Guy friends are pretty much in favor of adoption and believe I'll be a great mom. One guy friend volunteered to be a donor if I wanted to have a baby physically as long as it was a natural conception with lots of practice - LOL

One guy friend thought that adoption was my second choice (as in "I don't want you to settle for a second choice when you really want to be married and have children physically"). I quickly explained to him that I had thought about adoption since I was a kid; now he doesn't see my decision as a second choice at all.

This weekend I had a free four days on an online Christian dating site. I responded to a few emails and mentioned that I was adopting to the guys.

One guy's reply was the classic "why would you do that when you're young & you can still have children of your own?" [so when I adopt, I'm just borrowing her? give me a break!]

Two guys were great.... One's response was "I am excited hearing that you are about to adopt a child from Guatemala. That is one of the most precious and commendable things anyone can do. Giving a child a better life is so praiseworthy! God has a special place in heaven for you! I hope the process goes well for you and my prayer is that it does. Please keep me informed." He works as a counselor in marriage & family therapy so he probably sees a lot of messed up domestic situations.

The other guy emailed, "Wow! Adopting parents are sorely needed. You are an angel."

I'm not an angel, and I am not looking for a special place in heaven. However, I was glad that it wasn't a deterrent. Okay, maybe it was a deterrent for the guy who thinks I ought to have a "child of my own" but that's his problem. He's still emailing me so I prefer to think it isn't a problem at this time.

I am going to have a child of my own - a beautiful, happy, healthy baby girl from Guatemala!

Weirdness and Rightness

Today was definitely an odd day! I spent six hours with a client, and we went to a bridal fair. Yep, I can honestly say a bridal fair would have been my last choice for how to spend a Sunday afternoon (especially when the NFL playoffs are underway). But, this client is interested in starting a mobile manicure business (email mobile.manicures@hotmail.com for more info). She wants to do bridal parties, bachelorette parties, showers, etc.

I pretended to be the bride today. For the most part, it was fun. NO ONE asked about the groom or where he was. Some forms had a groom name so I made up one (tee-hee!). When the vendors asked me about a wedding date, I said honestly, "I don't know and I'm not sure" It was easy to tell them that as I get older, the number of bridesmaids and number of guests keeps going down! lol

What was weird? Talking with several of the announcement booth vendors prompted me to consider doing pre-adoption announcements. I got a couple of strange looks when I said I was adopting and was interested in knowing if they did anything other than wedding announcements.

What felt right? Having fun with my client. Helping her get more excited about a new business venture. Thinking about my future wedding because I do believe I'll marry someday.

Honestly, I don't know when I'll date someone exclusively again.... much less feel prepared to marry a man. I'm still not sure that I'm recovered from Mr. ANQ (Almost Not Quite). I'm definitely better off that I didn't continue dating the guy I was seeing a year ago.

This week I connected with some other SAMC (single adoptive moms by choice). Maybe we need to create a club....

Outside of my circle of influence

I've been looking at the timetable in my planner. It may take 2-4 months for a referral for a baby girl, and it will be another 6-8 months to complete the Guatemala legal process.

Maybe I need to stop thinking she will come home in 2007...

Okay.... (deep breathing)

Those of you who know me well know that I have a saying about managing what is inside my control and letting go of what is outside my control. I love drawing circles in the air around me for what is inside my control...

What is inside my circle I will do with a happy heart. What is outside my control (timing of when she comes home) is outside my circle and I have to let it go.

She will be home when she's home

And away we go!

My agency received my legal agreement and first payment today. Right after my FedEx email saying the payment was delivered, another email was waiting to be read. The email had a link to my adoption planner with a master checklist, steps to complete, etc.

It's easy to see that I have a lot to do. It's also helpful to have it laid out in order so I can stay focused and on track.

A requirement for submitting the I-600A form is my birth certificate. I have a copy, but I'm not 100% sure it's a copy that the government will accept. I'd rather be safe than delayed so I ordered three more copies of my birth certificate. With any luck at all, it will be here within a week and I can submit the I-600A.

My agency says it takes 3-4 months to process the I-600A. I just want to get it filed as soon as possible because of this looming Hague situation.

FedEx will help create my family

Sometimes it's the logistics that you have to take care of before you can get to the fun stuff!

Several years ago I set up a FedEx account for my business. I didn't use it very much so it went dormant. Today I reactivated it with a little help from Chris in Revenue Services (good grief, what a phrase to use! Reminds me of the IRS)

Anyway, what's important is that I'm all set for lots of future mailings. Good thing since I have my agency agreement and first check ready to go!

Let the fun begin!

My 2007 Wish List

One of my girlfriends told me that her daughters had given her a magic wand for Christmas. She asked me what I wanted to wish for in 2007 so I told her

I wish for....

a beautiful, happy, healthy baby girl from Guatemala to become my daughter

a fabulous man to fall in love with me, cherish our time together, and love my daughter

more consulting clients than I can handle so that I have a waiting list and a referrals list to send clients to other people