Form I-600A is my next big milestone!

As I mentioned earlier this week, the U.S. Department of State released this info regarding adoptions from Guatemala. When the U.S. chooses to implement the Hague Convention, it will no longer allow adoptions from Guatemala. The specific wording is:

It is important to note that U.S. law provides for a transition period and that orphan petitions (I-600A) filed with the Department of Homeland Security before the Convention enters into force for the United States will not be subject to the new regulations implementing the Convention.

Marla put my mind and heart at ease because I-600A is the FIRST form. I thought it was the final form so I was a little panicked at getting everything done as soon as possible.

What a relief!

However, I still feel like I need to act quickly. Just like other major life decisions, when I feel peace about moving forward with something, I'm ready to do what I'm led to do. The times I ignored my "urge to act" in the past created untold misery, and the times I acted before I felt peace also produced less-than-great results.

So, I know it's time. I can feel it & I'm excited about it.

Story ideas on Oprah's website

This afternoon I'm watching Oprah talk with Senator Barack Obama. From what I've heard of him, I respect him. After watching him speak today, I'm even more impressed with how he is in person and with his wife. I know today's show is a repeat episode. What I didn't catch the first time is that his daughter's name is Malia (today's God-wink about her presence in my life!)

Not sure why I felt so compelled today, but I decided to submit a story idea on Oprah's website. I explained that I had always expected to marry and have children. Now I'm choosing to pursue an international adoption, and I'm concerned about the potential uncertainty of what will happen in 2007 with Guatemalan adoptions.

I talked of what I consider to be the U.S. government's hypocritical stance regarding private adoptions in Guatemala. Since most adoptions are relinquishments from birth mothers in private arrangements, the U.S. government is saying it may prevent U.S. citizens from adopting from Guatemala. Unless our government is going to stop private adoptions from occurring in our country, I don't understand why it thinks it can stop adoptions in another country. I realize the nuances of the Hague Convention are more detailed than that, but that is one of the sticky points.

Unlike other countries with international adoption programs, there is NO child welfare system in place. If the children are not adopted, their lives are bleak. Poverty and illiteracy rates in Guatemala are among the worst in the world.

I also suggested Oprah's producers visit guatadopt.com. It's an objective site with information and resources specific to Guatemalan adoption, including a new blog by an adult Guatamalan adoptee Meredith.

Who knows what could happen as a result of the suggestion? I'd like to see some positive news coverage related to international adoption and single women choosing to adopt.

That would be a GREAT result!

Future Monopoly games

I received the updated "Here & Now" Monopoly game as one of my Christmas gifts. I spent countless hours playing Monopoly as a child. My neighbor Denise had a game and there were times during the summer that we would set up the board in her basement & play for days at a time. We were lucky her parents let us leave the board set up all the time.

After I received the game as a gift, my brothers and I would play for hours at a time. Yes, we had squabbles over the board - "you're cheating!" "Hey, that's not fair!" "Mom, he's not playing nicely!" But, we also had a lot of fun and happy memories.

Tonight my dad, my mom, and brother Leon played with me. It meant a lot to me that we spent time together as a family. As I grow older, it seems like the time with my family grows shorter with every visit. I'm not sure I'd want to live in the same town with them, but it would be fun to live closer and see each other more often.

I am looking forward to future Monopoly games with my daughter and my family. I think we might need to start with the Monopoly Junior game.

Family chats

Being home with my parents and brothers has created some opportunities to talk about the adoption. I asked my dad if he wanted to be called Grandpa or Papa or something else (I'm hoping he chooses Grandpa). He said he needs some more time to adjust to the idea. I appreciate his honesty, and I'm looking forward to when he tells people on his own.

I told him if he'd feel more comfortable I can stop talking about it. If I wait until the baby arrives, I thought it would be more of a shock to call one day out of the blue to say, "oh, by the way, there's a baby in my house, and I'm keeping her."

Today I talked with my favorite aunt and told her my news. Last year when I was still considering IVF and adoption, I talked with her about it at Thanksgiving. She was excited for me and asked what my mom said when I asked her what she wanted to be called. I think she wanted to be the first person to call my mom "Grandma" :-)

Worrisome situation

Tonight I spent some time on the Internet and visited guatadopt.com. Unfortunately, I didn't like reading the post about the new information released by U.S. Department of State.

Unless Guatemala introduces different systems for regulating adoption, the U.S. will cease to allow adoptions from Guatemala three months after it enters the Hague Convention. And, the U.S. intends to enter the Convention in 2007.

In a nutshell, I need to get my act together and pursue the activities under my control as aggressively as possible.

Angel in my pocket

Today I stopped by a little shop in my parents' town. It's called Gifts From the Heart. I was looking for a little box or decorative bag for my mom's present. While I was browsing, I found this adorable tiny pewter angel for the mom-to-be.

The card explains "this little guardian angel was sent from up above to help you cope with any stress till you hold your bundle of love. "

I loved it so much that I decided to buy it & keep the pewter angel with me. It is a reminder that everything is happening EXACTLY as it is supposed to happen.

Next step after agency agreement....

It's interesting to me the questions my friends are asking about my adoption. People seem to know that the process can be long and expensive. Beyond that, they don't know what to expect.

This weekend I explained to some friends that I am at milestone #1 with a lot of milestones in front of me. My experience as a project manager is clearly popping up because I'm thinking about how to identify all the adoption's major milestones. LOL

Seriously, I see the home study as the next "big thing" to do after sending the first half of the agency fee with my legal agreement. I just sent an email request to the Arizona Adoptive Families group to ask about home study providers.

Let's see what kind of suggestions come to me....

Just like the first trimester of pregnancy

This week I've still told a few people about the adoption plan. But, I am also feeling similar to how my friends felt during their first trimesters.

I'm excited, nervous, happy, and paranoid. I'm afraid that something will go wrong and there won't be a baby.

My mom used to say that crackers helped settle her stomach when she had morning sickness.

Wish I knew what could help settle my nerves....

Timing is everything

I've been thinking a lot about why I am waiting to send the agency agreement and money until after the holidays. It reminds me of when I moved to Phoenix from St. Louis.

When I was in transition from St. Louis to Phoenix, most people didn't understand that I was waiting on peace from God. I requested and received approval to transfer offices with my employer almost immediately. I even flew to Phoenix to look at houses, and nothing felt right.

I asked for the transfer to be effective after I sold my home in St. Louis. I had absolutely NO peace about putting the condo on the market. I stayed in a place of waiting for SEVEN long months! yes, I said months!

I was ready to go! I knew I was moving. I told everybody I was moving. Of course, after awhile some friends didn't believe I was moving because I had done nothing to sell the condo. I saw my realtor at a wedding in May 2000 and told her I was moving. I said I wasn't sure when.

Then, I woke up one morning in June and knew I could do something. I flew out in July to look at houses even though I knew exactly how $&#* hot it is in Phoenix in July. The house I found had been on the market for 6 days, and my contract was accepted without even listing my condo in St. Louis.

When my plane landed in St. Louis, I had a voicemail from my realtor in St. Louis. A young couple had missed out on buying a condo in the complex where I lived that weekend. She knew it was a longshot, but was there any possibility I was still moving to Phoenix? Within 24 hours I had a contract in hand for my condo, selling it a healthy profit and with absolute peace in my heart.

What I learned from that experience is to pay attention to how I feel. Sometimes my readiness is only half the solution. The other people have to be ready also for it to be perfect. Living in my house in Phoenix has been perfect in a lot of ways.

God knew what He was doing then, and a child is even more important than a house. I'm trusting He is in control of my adoption (that's what my agency says also).

It's okay that I'm waiting until after the holidays to send the agency agreement and first deposit. After all, maybe my Baby Girl hasn't even been conceived yet.

In the midst of the flu

Saturday I woke up with the flu - fever, hot & cold chills, throwing up, headache. Basically, I was miserable!

While concentrating on keeping dry Cheerios in my stomach, I was thinking about a year from now. What happens after Baby Girl arrives? I was in no condition to take care of me, much less a baby. Who will I call to take care of Baby Girl?

I have to move the extra phone back into my bedroom and re-evaluate who is on my speed dial. As part of my recuperating process from a broken heart, I had deliberately moved the phone out of my bedroom two years ago. Its presence had reminded me of his calls and how delighted I was when the phone rang late at night.

Now the phone in my bedroom will have a different purpose..... I have to be able to call someone to take care of the baby.

Yes, it seems simple.... but I'm recognizing that nothing is simple when you're a single mom.

Another God-wink!

The story of James & Kati Kim really touched my heart this week. A couple and their two girls were missing in snow in Oregon since the Thanksgiving holiday. Kati & her daughters were found safe & alive at the beginning of the week, and James was found dead after leaving the family car for help.

No one will ever understand why something like this happens ~ the easiest way to explain it is that he had done everything he was intended to do on this earth. At the end of today's article, I got chillbumps (aka vibrating skin)

A few blocks away, a sign outside Church Street Apothecary, one of the Kims' two boutiques, read: "We will be closed for a few days. Please respect our privacy."

Below the sign, scores of flowers, cards and candles conveyed warm wishes from neighbors.

"Your dad is a hero. Your dad is a great, kind man. He will always love you very much," said a handmade card written in a child's scrawl, signed by "Malia."

I've started calling the baby Malia (Hawaiian for Marie - my grandma's name). To see this online today felt like a confirmation that she exists and we'll be together when it's time.

When in doubt

Last night I was feeling overwhelmed. I was worrying over the dollars and the timing. By the time I stopped myself, I was already feeling a little panicky.

Before going to bed, I read a page from Alan Cohen's book A Deep Breath of Life and it was PERFECT to address how I was feeling. The book is designed to read one entry each day, and the entry for December 8 is titled "All Taken Care of"

"The universe provides for all our needs if we trust it. The God that created countless stars and fathomless seas is able to create abundance for us to the extent we require it. Our job is to listen to our guidance and trust."

Reading those words gave me comfort and peace. I allow God to provide everything I need when I need it ~ especially with regard to my adoption.

After spending some time in meditation and prayer last night, I am going to wait a few weeks to mail the agency agreement and initial questionnaire forms. For whatever reason I feel more peace waiting until after the holidays.

I'm trusting that there is a reason to wait a few weeks, and I'm willing to wait.

Craigles understands

A friend from college called me tonight. I don't remember the last time we talked, but I called him a few weeks ago when Ohio State played Michigan. He's a big Ohio State fan, and I don't like Michigan. It makes it easy for me to cheer for Ohio State at least once a year.

He & his wife adopted a darling little boy two years ago. When I told him my news, he was excited to hear that I've submitted the initial application to an agency.

What I appreciated most from our conversation was his advice on saying NO if necessary. He reminded me that I'm the one who decides and it's permissible for me to say no to the agency, to friends, to whoever needs to be told.

He & his wife said no to some children for various reasons before being blessed with Owen. They were actually in the delivery room with Owen's birth mom and cut the umbilical cord. Wow!

Before we hung up, he told me that I can call him & Barb anytime. They know what kind of rollercoaster I'm on. It's good to know I'm not alone on the rollercoaster.

[Craigles was my special nickname for him when we were in college. Even if he doesn't appreciate my public use of his name, I'm sure he'll smile & show off his dimples if he reads this post!]

Since I was 9 1/2

Yesterday I had my orientation call with the adoption agency. The first question she asked me was if I had been thinking about this for awhile or if it was a sudden decision.

I told her about the book I read when I was 9 1/2. My mom received the Reader's Digest condensed books, and I would read the novels that interested me.

They Came to Stay is about a single woman adopting two daughters - one from Korea and one from Vietnam. She had worked as a journalist covering the plight of Amerasian children (American dads serving in the Vietnam War).

At the time I read it, I was fascinated by the story and thought about the little girls a lot. I wondered what their lives were like and how they changed. I remember reading the "About the Author" and was thrilled to know that she had married after adopting both girls. It felt like she had created a great family!

Several years ago my aunt found the book for me. Marjorie Margolies was in her early 20's when her story began! All these years I thought of her as an adult (being 9 1/2, I'm sure it did feel like she was a grown-up and knew what she was doing).

Now I wonder if my insides have always known I would adopt, and the rest of me just had to catch up.

2nd Annual Mother's Tea

Today I attended the 2nd Annual Mother's Tea with Arizona Adoptive Families. Seven moms attended, and it felt GREAT to talk about adoption, my plans, their children, etc.

It is amazing to feel a connection with people you've just met. They have already completed the journey I'm starting. One mom is currently waiting for her second match, and I loved hearing about her son (domestic adoption).

I felt accepted for who I am and the choice I made.

I am an expectant mom.

How wonderful to know that next year I may have pictures to share around the table.

Alicia, Robyn, Lucinda, Sarah

Just like Michelle

A lot of people have been pointing fingers at Madonna recently for her high-profile adoption. The media seems to forget that adoption has been around a lot longer than Madonna.

Years ago a young woman in Hollywood made a decision that I always remembered. At the time, I admired her courage and wondered if I would do the same thing.

Michelle Pfeiffer chose to adopt Claudia Rose as a single mom. Of course, she met David Kelley on a blind date two weeks after starting the adoption process.

From a website about Michelle: "Pfeiffer calls her daughter "an angel" who turned her life around. In a way, she credits the child with bringing her and David together. She says it allowed them to see one another the way people often wonder about each other: how will the relationship change when children become involved, and what kind of a parent will he/she be?"

Wow!

I want to be just like Michelle.... Adopt a beautiful baby girl, fall in love with a fabulous man, and live our lives together in laughter, love, happiness & health

What do I say? When do I say something?

This week is probably the first of many "rollercoaster" weeks. I feel elated to have decided and started the paperwork. I also feel overwhelmed at the responsibility of being a single parent.

As I work during the day, I feel like I have a BIG, GIGANTIC SECRET! I told the two women with whom I work most closely. Last year when I first started thinking about being a single mom, they listened and offered opinions. Now that I'm moving forward, it's great to hear their congratulations, and I appreciate their support.

So, now I'm trying to decide when it's okay to tell people.

What do I tell them?

I haven't completed my homestudy yet, and there's a ton of federal paperwork. Do I tell people after the homestudy is done? when the federal paperwork is done? when I submit everything to Guatemala for approval?

Part of me wants to tell everyone NOW! Part of me wants to wait because what if something goes wrong.