This week is probably the first of many "rollercoaster" weeks. I feel elated to have decided and started the paperwork. I also feel overwhelmed at the responsibility of being a single parent.
As I work during the day, I feel like I have a BIG, GIGANTIC SECRET! I told the two women with whom I work most closely. Last year when I first started thinking about being a single mom, they listened and offered opinions. Now that I'm moving forward, it's great to hear their congratulations, and I appreciate their support.
So, now I'm trying to decide when it's okay to tell people.
What do I tell them?
I haven't completed my homestudy yet, and there's a ton of federal paperwork. Do I tell people after the homestudy is done? when the federal paperwork is done? when I submit everything to Guatemala for approval?
Part of me wants to tell everyone NOW! Part of me wants to wait because what if something goes wrong.
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You tell people when you feel like it, when you need to, and when they need to know.
You tell the people that NEED TO KNOW because they are your support network, so that they can support you. Probably sooner versus later.
You tell the people that NEED TO GET YOU SOMETHING, WHEN you need it - when you need legal, business, or insurance information from them. That's work, the attorney doing your will, etc.
And when you find the people that appear out of the blue, and you find that they will understand and support you, you tell them because YOU FEEL LIKE IT. And when those vibes aren't right, or after you've had the negative reaction from someone, you decide not to tell them.
As excited and happy as you are in preparing for your daughter, you have to realize that not everyone will share your feelings. And that's OK. It's their feelings, not yours. You may or may not understand their reaction, and may never know that they are dealing with: infertility issues themselves, racism, bias against single moms, jealousy, or who knows what.
As you start to think about your daughter growing up, and reaching a point where she wants to own 'her story', and wants more control over who knows it, and how they are told, you will start to rethink who you want to tell now, or what you
want to tell them. It's hard, because you want to share this wonderful experience. It's hard, because for the first time you will start to look at the experience from your daughter's eyes, not your own. And then you'll start to know who you really trust with that story...and with your daughter. And you'll know who you want to share it with.
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