Six months from now

Last night I decided to write a description of my life as if today was Sept. 27, 2007. Believe it or not, that is just six short months from now....

Instead of sharing all the things I wrote, I will share a few lines.

The house remodel is finally complete, and I'm content to live there another year or two. Then I have to decide on a new place - I still might buy 2 places to go between them. Sometimes I think of Mr. Almost-Not-Quite & now I just wish him well when I remember him. He's there in my heart & I treasure him for lots of good memories. I'm still not ready yet to be a mom. No idea why I have such a clear desire to be a mom and yet I'm still waiting. It seems like a baby will come to me soon ~ just have no idea how.

This might be the longest gestation in the world of man. I still feel like I'm preparing my home and heart for a child or children. Isn't it interesting how my insides tied my heart & home together so easily with the children who are coming soon?

It's all good.

Going with the flow

A couple of weeks ago someone suggested that I set a deadline for making a decision on what to do next. I'm sure that seems logical to a lot of people.

What works for me is paying attention to my little voice. That little voice has guided me pretty well throughout my life. When I ignore it, I have trouble. When I follow it, all goes smoothly.

My little voice is crystal clear about my desire to be a mom. However, I also feel like I'm pushing right now. I don't feel good when I feel like I'm pushing myself for a decision.

Pushing is not going with the flow.

Relaxing for now is going with the flow.

Being open to any avenue for a child to enter my life is going with the flow.

Talking with people who adopted is going with the flow.

Feeling serene about my options is going with the flow.

I'm going with the flow....

wherever it takes me

More press on Guatemalan adoptions

Now USA Today is jumping on the press bandwagon....

U.S. government scrutinizes Guatemalan adoptions

Yes, I posted a comment.

Yes, I'm still relieved not to be on the Guatemala Adoption Rollercoaster.

No, I still don't know what I'm doing.

No, I didn't get the spa day scheduled yet.

Gratitude

With the week I had... I think it's important that I pay attention to the Grains of Gratitude running through Blogland....

I am grateful for

• Living in the United States - with all our fusses and sometimes idiotic politicians, we still live in a country with the most opportunity, most abundance, most freedom of any country on the planet
• Friendships like Ferelith - she called today and it was so good to chat with her! I told her that the last two weekends I really, really, really wished she lived in Arizona instead of Wisconsin! She's the kind of friend that you just love to sit in her kitchen and talk about everything. You don't have to do something to enjoy being with her
• March Madness - oh yeah! I love college basketball and my teams (Purdue & Kentucky) are still playing in the tournament (big cause of excitement because both teams were less than consistent during the regular season)
• my DVR because I can watch TV when I want instead of when the show is on. This morning I enjoyed Grey's Anatomy and two Oprah shows
• my parents are still alive and still married to each other after 40+ years together! My dad is forgetting some stuff these days, and I try to say that it's ok he sometimes forgets
• my choices, my decisions, and my future - they are all wrapped together because I truly believe the decisions I make TODAY will shape the choices I have tomorrow!
• my patio - honestly, I love sitting on my patio and watching the sun set in the distance. It is truly spectacular to see the streaks of red & purple in the sky
• delicious Asian halibut that I had in the middle of the afternoon (sort of a lunch/dinner combination) at The Keg Steakhouse
• art shows like Celebration of Fine Art so I can wander around and dream of different houses with different art themes
• white wine with cheese & crackers (goes especially well with sunsets on my patio)
• people I met via blogs and the joy I feel in reading their blogs and their comments on my blogs... it really is a lovely, little community!

Totally fried

While I was having lunch with a girlfriend, I told her that I wanted a "do over!" Seriously, I look at my life, and I need a complete "do over" in every area and every aspect.

I'm obviously totally fried and in need of a spa day.... Until then, my decision-making ability is less than optimal

A thought that keeps drifting through my head is that I'm going to continue on the "workaholic" path unless I have a baby that needs my attention.

Glad I stopped Guatemala process!

The info night on Monday wasn't very informative for me. A lot of emphasis put on foster parenting in Arizona and just no "warm & fuzzies"

This week the general press has put a lot more attention on adoption from Guatemala. President Bush's trip to discuss the situation with the Guatemalan president puts a huge spotlight directly on the problem.

Guatadopt.com posted the latest set of Frequently Asked Questions from the government. It isn't pretty. Really, all this information did was confirm what my insides told me....

I'm supposed to stop looking in Guatemala..... maybe it's for now, maybe it's for ever.

Another Info Night

Today I read a packet from a local adoption agency that arrived in the mail this weekend. Since I didn't get my mail until this morning, I'm GLAD I opened it on the way to work.

There's an orientation and information meeting tonight. The orientation is for people who are considering foster or adoptive parenting. Luckily, it's literally 5 minutes drive from my client site so I won't have to worry about traffic.

Not sure that I want to foster. After conversations with other adoptive moms during the weekend, I am open about adopting a sibling group.

It's ironic. I adopted my two cats (yes, I use adopted because we ARE a forever family) after saying for months that I only wanted to adopt one kitten. Having the two together is so much fun! I can't imagine having one without the other.

I know sibling group automatically means older child. I have started saying I'm open to where my child(ren) are. I guess that means emotionally I'm already a mom to more than one child.

Check back... I'm sure I'll have more opinions after the orientation....