It never hurts to ask "why?"

I've been reading Getting Things Done by David Allen. It's a business book because I do a lot of reading for my consulting business. He says that anytime you get sidetracked with a project/meeting/discussion it's important to return to your purpose. Specifically, he writes,

It never hurts to ask the "why?" question. Almost anything you're currently doing can be enhanced and even galvanized by more scrutiny at this top level of focus....What's the purpose of your task? Why are you having friends over for a barbeque in the backyard? Why are you hiring a marketing director? Why do you have a budget? (Allen, pp. 62-63)

Okay, David Allen.....Let's ask some "why?" questions

Why am I considering adoption?
Because I want to be a mom. Because I'm not sure I want to be single and pregnant physically. Because there are many children who need and deserve safe, loving homes. Because I believe all children deserve at least one caring parent to help them grow and become whoever they want to be. Because I truly believe I can help a child through adoption.

Why do I want to be a mom?
Because I have lots of love to give to a child. Because I can't help all the children in all the countries grow up in safe, loving homes. Because I can't do it all for every child who needs a family, but maybe I can do my best for one or two children. Because I want to experience what I feel like my friends experience every day. Because when I am with my friends' children, I am touched to see how children grow and learn. Because when I am with my friends' children, I feel like they are so incredibly unique and special - they are like fragile flowers who need nurturing and tending so they bloom in adulthood.

Why am I not moving forward?
Because I no longer know what country, where, or how I will proceed. Because it's easy to fret and worry. Because I don't know if Guatemala is safe for me to continue pursuing an adoption there. Because I don't want to continue to spend money on Guatemalan adoption when there could be other places/avenues that are easier. Because part of me secretly wishes I could get physically pregnant tomorrow and not deal with all the BS paperwork. Because part of me secretly wishes someone would call and say "hey, I have a baby for you." Because I'm not ready.

ah.... well... at least, I confirmed that I still want to be a mom.